30.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

How am I spending 30? The way most people would, I suspect. Drinking Jack Daniels flavored coffee out of a giant Figment cup and watching Star Wars on an old TV.

toldja there'd be some random stuff on here...

I wonder sometimes what's the strangest thing I could say in a meeting and not have people just stop and say WTF (or, at least, you gotta knock that stuff off)...

Here's a couple you can expect to hear me work into conversations soon:


"Oh sure... you work every day, you pay your bills, you pay your taxes... but you molest ONE goat and suddenly you're that crazy goat molesting guy."

"Hey, you guys remember that episode of Gilligan's Island when the huts caught on fire, but they realized the roofs were made out of marijuana leaves and everyone just sat around getting high?"

"Newspapers are having a hard time with their current economic model. I think they should switch to marketing a use nobody ever talks about... their utility as a method for catching animal poo."

I had some more, but honestly they were too random even for a thread like this.

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Mogwai

It's a bit odd that whenever I hear this...



Darlene Love's version of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)...

all I can think of is the opening of Gremlins.


Probably my favorite Christmas song, or at least one I really wish I'd hear more often...



Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder.

I am NOT an old coot. I have a blog!

Is it a bad sign that the shows I watch seem to generally have ads for hearing aids and power scooters? I know Boston Legal went out talking about how they're the only show with 50+ yr. old stars, but it is (errr was) a legitimately funny show. I can watch it just find without adult diapers, thanks.

the revolution will not be televised

but it might be blogged... there seems to be the return of a generous (or ign'nt) neighbor, and as such stay tuned because I might have more postings here.

A couple of random thoughts...

Christmas movies --- the meaning of Christmas is not being with your family. It's not about friends or togetherness or any of that. It's about the Nativity. Is Charlie Brown the only one who understands this?

It's really hard to get excited about the Champs Sports Bowl.

I'm supposed to have an opinion about china patterns? Really? I thought my theory about getting an extra set so I can learn how to skeet-shoot was a damned fundamentally sound idea ;-)

I've heard the explanation a couple of times now, and I still gotta say "Eagle and Child" is a damned odd name.

I'm 2-22 in Scrabble. I'm like the Cam Cameron of Scrabbling.

more impressionism

Hope you're ready for it, because this one's a two-fer...

My impression of television...

WHEN THE SEMINOLES WIN:
And in sports today, this map shows all-the-cities-where-a-team-won. Now, on to 20 minutes of weather!

WHEN THE SEMINOLES LOSE:
[CNN] And that's why the candidate's poll numbers are going down. Of course, not as bad as the Seminoles went down. Man, did you see that? Let's go to the tape..." [Weather Channel] It's going to be cold in Wichita. Not as cold as it must seem on the plane back for the Seminoles though...[NBC] tonight's primetime lineup is being preempted so we can show highlights of the Seminoles losing...

too much pressure!!

As a corollary to the previous post...

even when sitting out by the relaxing water with a nice cool breeze... it's pretty easy to get stressed when you've only got about 10 minutes of battery life on a fully charged laptop. Gee THANKS AnonymousCompany for giving me such stellar resources to work with.

I'm a simple man, of no eccentric demands....

all I ask for is a tall ship, a star to steer her by... and another neighbor who has wireless internet but doesn't know how to lock it.

Is that too much to ask?

kids... don't hit yourself in the knee with sledgehammers!

So, a random thought that came from an even more random conversation... from the "and knowing is half the battle" PSA things on GI Joe...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KXCD5BQiM4

The message was, "Kids, don't hide in abandoned fridges." "Seriously, don't do it. Don't hide in a fridge you might come across."

Looking back, I realize I got this message a LOT as a kid.

"Hey! You!"
"Who me?"
"Stay the hell away from fridges!"
"What, like, don't get fat eating between meals? Got it."
"No. Random fridges you'd find playing around town. Don't crawl inside them."
"Wow, umm, wasn't tempted to do that, but... thanks. Hey, shouldn't I more, ya know, not be talking to strangers like you?"
"Oh yeah, I guess. Whatever. Just remember, go near a refrigerator and I'll come back here and beat the snot out of you."

I swear, it was just short of Sexual Harassment Panda from South Park coming to tell us in school assemblies that one of the worst things you can do is play in the fridges that apparently dot the fruited plains.

Now, admittedly, I grew up with a pretty sheltered life in Bal Harbour. But I don't recall hardly ever seeing piles of giant fridges lying around in playgrounds and open fields and such.

Maybe it's my swiss cheese Sam leaping memory, but I swear I was told to stay away from fridges way more than I ever heard anything like don't smoke.

Maybe that's where the gut comes from. Me rebelling against GI Joe.

Like I'm going to take advice from someone who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a laser-guided-laser thingy. Probably have bad eyesight from playing in fridges.

Hi from the Wheel in the Sky

Field agent Bradley reporting from the Holiday Inn Select in Downtown Tallahassee... which is known to students as "the circle one".

A day to take it easy and vacay a bit. The main purpose for coming up was the FSU - Va Tech game (we won, woohoo! Hokies suck!) Ulterior motives included seeing my amiga, and trying to desperately cling to the happy carefree days of 9 yrs ago. Tomorrow will be visiting some of the local press and even the governor's press secretary, and going to the Bowden lunch with my old boss. I'd really like to get the University to be one of our clients, provided we could do it right.

Flying out of JAX tomorrow. Of course as is my nature and I've even mentioned a couple of times here, I'm already a bit jittery over getting into the airport in time for the flight at 7 PM! Well, it's that damned variable, getting from here to JAX in time to return the rental and get on the flight.

Which leaves today... brunch at Andrew's, bumming around campus (how many times can ya take the big nostalgic walk around), and driving Josh back to the airport. Was hoping that this game would be the big reunion of my peeps, but it seems the next opportunity for everyone to get together will be the BIG DAY (eek).

Last note. Further sign of addiction (twitch)... I brought my laptop but neglected to bring my mouse attachment (crappy company won't replace my crappy broken laptop). So even though I have to TAB through to get to anything on any page, here I am still online, on vacation. Dork!

economic policy brought to you by...

So, I've decided I know who is advising Obama's campaign on economic plans, and it's not Warren Buffett or even Jimmy Buffett. He's clearly inspired by The Underpants Gnomes.

Who?

The Underpants Gnomes from South Park. This was a really clever (and more than a little obscure) South Park reference to a couple of old Looney Tunes cartoons that taught kids about capitalism.

The underpants gnomes stole underwear, but it was part of their secret business model. They explained it:
"Phase 1: Steal underwear.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Profit!"

None of them could remember what phase 2 was.

Well, the Obama approach seems to be:
"Phase 1: Beat the rich like pinatas and collect all the tasty tasty candy that falls out.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Everyone has a swell job they'll never lose and full medical care and a house that never goes down in value even if they can't pay for it and hope and change and..."

BTW, the moral of the South Park episode, Gnomes, was that maybe big corporations aren't actually always BAD... and that they only make money by OFFERING a SERVICE or PRODUCT to potential customers that they WANT to buy. Go fig.

My thoughts on the economy, pt. 2

So, I already sent this out as an e-mail to some, but I guess it's okay that I'm re-posting my own thoughts...



http://www.plnewsforum.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/40756/

http://iusbvision.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/obama-sued-citibank-under-cra-to-force-it-to-make-bad-loans/

Man.

It was 1994. Dial-up modems were a ticket to the world. Forrest Gump was in theaters. And in Illinois, Buycks-Roberson v. Citibank Fed. Sav. Bank Fair Housing/Lending/Insurance was being filed.

Who-and-the-what now? A class action lawsuit against Citibank for refusing to issue home loans to people who the bank deemed would never be able to pay them back. The suit claimed “redlining” these people was discriminatory, surely the people being excluded from buying a home were disproportionately minorities, and so Citibank should be made to either give these loans or be punished financially.

Who was the attorney on the class action representing those low-income appliers the bank insisted shouldn’t be given mortgages?

Barack H. Obama.

Yay community organizing!

my thoughts on the economy

Ready?


I think, instead of investing in my 401(K), I should just put all my money into a company that offers to, for a small fee, come over to your house and punch your baby in the teeth and then cut a whole in your couch.

Well, I think I'd have about the same level of success, and at least then I'd be contributing to a small business.

the doc says I'm a sensitive guy

So, dermographism... which apparently basically means skin so sensitive you can write on it with a fingernail and it leaves a trail. Just another one of those things that sounds much cooler for a comic book then it would in real life.

In real life it means coming back from Walgreens with a giant bag full of various weird stuff in big white bottles.

Rah.

when Britney got me choked up... in a comedy

So, I was flipping channels the other day (which is flipping about five of them since I still don't have cable)... I stopped on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, mostly because Britney Spears was a guest on it and when you don't have many options ya tend to at least check her out.

The thing is, it caught me off-guard.

The short version of the set-up was that Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie) was teasing one of his other friends by pretending that he was going to marry Britney's character. Only Britney wasn't in on the joke. Typical far-fetched sketch comedy misunderstanding thing... till Britney shows how into it she is by going off to call her mom on the cell phone, and says,

"Momma, it finally happened! I just wish Dad was still alive so he could walk me down the aisle."

Ummm, yeah. Cute joke and all. Hit me like a sockful of bricks. Ahh well.

Ya know, side note, I realized I've had posts on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and now Britney in the last three weeks and I don't think I've had even one filthy reference. I must be slipping.

The Second Cousin of All Bombs?

I saw a news story the other day, apparently in response to the American "Mother Of All Bombs", the Russians have developed something even more powerful that they're referring to as "The Father of All Bombs".

If this keeps up, I'm wondering what comes next.

I'm thinking "The Gropey, Stale-Cheese Smelling, Half-Shaven Drunken Uncle Of All Bombs".

Eeeek!

my impression of....

This might be a new regular feature (I know you're oh-so-excited)...


here's my impression of.... public radio.

"As a reminder, we rely on donations from listeners like you, unlike commercial radio. This reminder was brought to you by the good people at Wheatie-O's. Mmmm, mmm, Wheatie-O's, that's a tasty treat. Now back to the third hour of our look at a local artist in Minneapolis who is having trouble making ends meet in this unappreciative country, despite her fascinating albums based on the mating tones of the Bolivian Fruit Bat..."

An important decision, redux

In this time of political discourse, I must ponder.....



Great wicker baskets full of monkey crap, what the hell is wrong with these people?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080902/ap_en_tv/people_lindsay_lohan

Yahoo's sharing highlights from a blog espousing the political positions and impressions of...... Lindsay Lohan.

Snorting half of Cali up your nose does not make you an "expert on international relations".

VPILF

alright, so there's been a few thousand posts out there about McCain tapping Sarah Palin to be his veep, and a few people have already asked me what I think about it... so here's a couple of things I came up with.

First let me start off by saying maybe everyone else was surprised, but I've been saying since back in May that I hoped he picked her (but figured he probably wouldn't). It's true, it's even in the archives of the message board I hang out on.

I first found her name when I was looking at the British bookmakers site, www.ladbrokes.com, to see the odds on the presidential race and on the veep selections. When I saw her name I went to look her up, and liked her story.

All indications are she's a straight-down-the-line traditional conservative. Pro-life and in favor of hands-off management of businesses and pro-gun rights.

Actually, if you think about it, she's pretty much everything Mitt Romney WASN'T, which is a pretty ringing endorsement in the end... consider:

example... I can understand conservatives being in the NRA. I can understand them having a problem with the NRA. Just don't join the night before you announce you're going to run for prez. That's basically what Romney did. Palin's been pretty consistent with her positions, you can tell they're not just of convenience or an attempt to ingratiate herself to "the base", she is a person of her own principles and convictions and pretty much either you agree with her or you don't. I can even have a lot of respect for a lib if they're at least consistent of their positions and reached them because of core beliefs about human nature, not just parroting what your party tells you to say.


Besides... I can't think of any other pick that would have jazzed the right like this or so scared the lefties. I've seen so much ranting and wild-eyed the foaming at the mouth sect on the other side of the aisle. You can tell whether something a Republican did was a good move by how rabid the left gets in response to it.

Also got to say you just can't beat that timing of the announcement. I can't ever remember a time when a convention wrapped and something came along and just totally commandeered the news cycle like this. I went on CNBC.com at 1:00 in the afternoon on Friday... so you figure less than 18 hours after Obama's "coronation". The word Obama literally did NOT APPEAR on the entire front page of CNBC.com. The surprise of the Palin announcement had pushed the entire Dem. convention off the front page.

Will it matter in the end? We'll see... I do think that if McCain can, with this move, get say 12-15% of people who were excited about Hillary's campaign to vote for McCain-Palin, he's got a pretty good chance in November.

But then, who would have guessed I'd get excited by a beautiful, thin brunette with nice cheekbones and a solid conservative record named Sarah ;-)

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

if you're going to be sitting on your ass anyway...

here's a game after my own heart... my struggling, cheese-coated heart.

http://www.fizzy.com/games/salad_dodger

"Salad Dodger".

Pretty straightforward... you eat all the ice cream and fried chicken and cheeseburgers and stuff, and avoid pesky things like apples and broccoli at all costs :)

Just another valuable service from your friendly bloggin' correspondent.

hell, now there are even commercials in my dreams

I just was thinking back and realized something I "saw" was a really odd (and a bit dumb) dream I had.

Or maybe it actually DID happen. Tell me if you've ever seen this...

Pillsbury wants you to try their new breakfast danishes, because they insist they're better than those new breakfast bread treats branded with the celebrity spokesperson I always associate with cooking... Ozzy Osbourne.

Yeah, I even dreamt up a name for them. They were called "Ozzy Osbuns."


Riiiiight.

Hey, it's not as bad as "the Jump to Conclusions Mat", is it?

haunted

I think there's a fair chance I'm the only person around who has this recurring dream.

Now I just have to figure out why I keep finding myself at EPCOT in Orlando and not getting to go on "The Figment Ride".

I wouldn't like us either.

So, I did a summer semester in London back in 1999. One of the weird things I noticed was the US shows that were picked up by the BBC. While I was there, they had: The Simpsons, Jerry Springer, Dawson's Creek, South Park, and Jerry Springer.

No wonder why they think we're all fools. Not exactly our best and brightest exports.


PS a side note. There are a few benefits to having down a summer semester in London. One was that they have an amazing theatre community and encourage students to attend. Another was being able to travel and see Europe.

But the big one is, of course, it gives you a chance to start as many sentences as possible with "I did a summer semester in London..."

Proceed with caution

Lately I've noticed I've developed a bit of what might be called a less-than-desirable habit... I downloaded Tetris on my phone, and now I've been playing while I drive in traffic.

There's only one logical and sensible way for me to address this situation.

I've started getting more red lights.

An important decision this election year...

Thinking about the news the last couple of days...

If I had to choose whose opinion I wanted to hear on the 2008 Presidential election, and my options were to get the opinions of Paris Hilton, or of a steaming fresh pile of hot pig crap... I think I might pick Paris Hilton. Out of some naive hope that maybe at least she has some sort of opinion on inheritance taxes or income brackets.

But honestly it'd be pretty close.

to protect and serve chipotle sauce

I was wondering how'd I'd get to this legal issue, because I wanted for my 100th post to be about somehow snagging me a chickie (and a keen one at that ;-).

But I checked again and now that I've got that down, I thought I'd share the following.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080805/ap_on_fe_st/odd911_sandwich_call_5

Apparently a guy called 9-1-1 in Jacksonville to address what he thought was a pretty serious matter. He got a Subway sandwich and they left the sauce off his Spicy Craptastic Melto Grande or whatever. He called the cops because his sandwich was missing the sauce.

And apparently he called a SECOND time because the cops weren't answering fast enough.

Man, if you're not supposed to call 9-1-1 when you don't get your Tas-T special mystery sauce, then I don't know what it's for.

woohoo

I asked, and she said yes!

words means things

Subtle bias is hard to pick up on. Often times the person speaking won't even realize everything his words convey.

I was listening to NPR news yesterday (yeah, I know)... they were discussing Obama's trip to the middle east and afghanistan, and said among other things "He has to battle the perception among some voters that he doesn't have the foreign policy experience John McCain has."

No.

He has to overcome the FACT that John McCain HAS more foreign policy experience. Regardless of your political persuasion... you can argue whose positions you prefer, you can argue whose voting record you more care for... but any objective measure would say that McCain clearly has more foreign policy experience.

It would be like saying "McCain has to battle the perception among some voters that he's older then Obama." Well no that's not a perception. It's an indisputable fact.

But if you and your circle of friends all pretty universally carry a torch for a guy, you can't help but look at stories and say "Gee, what is it that some yokels have so wrong in their head that they can't clearly see how dreamy this guy is?"

BTW I can't think of anyone who's gotten more Time magazine covers and never been president. Can you?

yay! high gas prices

In all this talk about high gas prices, no one's talked about what I've found to be one of the clear benefits of higher gas prices.

At least around here, it always seemed that whenever I'd go to a gas station someone would come up looking like crap (or alternately occasionally looking better than I did) and freaking asking me for a handout. Sometimes it was mildly annoying (got any change? No, man, and the guy would stumble off... the worse was "hey, my brother's over in that hotel a block away and I'm trying to raise money to get a bus to Sarasota because I've got a job there and..." dammit dammit dammit shut up and go away.

Now I guess they all realize that everyone at the gas station now is pretty much pissed off and broke and no longer has any disposable income.

So now they all hang out by the overpass a mile from my place. Rah.

a little color (well, red and blue anyway)

Haven't figured out yet (aka too lazy to look into) putting this as a separate section, so for now I'm putting it in as a post...


alt="Go to electionprojection.com" width="150" height="211" />

Election Projection's a very good site that incorporates the latest polls on the only thing that ultimately matters --- how the electoral college looks like it'll break. They say this map should update at least every day so keep an eye on it :)