The big question (no, not Sammy or Dave)

Had an interesting conversation come up in a recent discussion in a community group I was part of. We were taking a look at the generations (millennials, greatest generation, baby boomers, etc.) In this particular conversation we were talking about my own age group... for the sake of this illustration let's say those born between 1973 and 1983.

The question was.... do we ask "The Big Question"?
Obligatory Monty Python reference...

That is to say, does my generation preoccupy ourselves with --- or at least discuss --- What's it all about? Is there a higher power? Why be moral? 

My answer at the time was, generally speaking, no. These are not priorities for my generation. I said we care about two things:

1) Being distracted/entertained... we want the latest games, electronics, Netflix, etc. to occupy our attention and amuse us.

2) Having our individuality recognized and celebrated... well we were raised for decades being told how we were each a beautiful snowflake full of potentiality etc. etc.... we got in the workforce and even if you're 22 with a BA in English, we are special and wanna be heard and challenged and patted on the head, dagummit.

What do you think? Does the 30-40 set think much about "dear 8 pound, 6 ounce baby Jesus"?

If not, is it just because most people don't think about such weighty issues as they start off on what's supposedly adulthood? Or is there more?

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Honestly, is there a real rash of ChiComm trying to break into my time entry system to illicitly enter hours on my timesheet in my name?  Errr....

Maybe people were confused what it was going to be about

Battleship director says he's finally figured out why it was a massive flop

http://www.blastr.com/2013-8-19/battleship-director-says-hes-finally-figured-out-why-it-was-massive-flop

Amazingly, the answer STILL isn't "Turns out nobody was even a little bit interested in seeing it."

No. Dude sez it was lack of star power. Cuz, yeah... Liam Neeson in an action flick in early 2012 was slappin' together a real indie no-name kinda cast.

Quick! What color is the bailiff's watchband? It could change everything!

Dear news media,

The following is a list of the 1,000 things I need to hear about the Zimmerman / Trayvon Martin trial:

1. Verdict.

Ummm, actually that's about it. Is Kate Upton going to be there for some reason? No? Okay, then yeah... the outcome.

Hugs and kisses,

Bradley

Mutually Assured Corrpution

I've posted another one of my political pieces to Drawlines. http://drawnlines.com/better-living-through-mutually-assured-corruption/. This one is called "Better Living Through Mutually Assured Corruption".

an open letter to...

Dear News Media,
If my social media streams are anything like a representative sample, you all are the only ones who seem to give two craps about the minutia of the jury proceedings in the trial of Jodi Arias.

Hugs and kisses,
me

Is it worth 60 Minutes?

So, an NBA player I've never heard of (which, to be fair is probably 85% of the league) came out and is the first active player in a major men's sport to do so. Being the first to do something like that is a huge decision, and of course one that ain't easy...

Enough has been / is being said about that... I'm interested in a ripple.



One athlete, newly signed Dolphins WR Mike Wallace, said on Twitter "I'm not bashing anybody don't have anything against anyone I just don't understand it." "All these beautiful women in the world and guys wanna mess with other guys SMH..."



One little bit of clarification... I'd seen "SMH" to mean so much hate, but I heard this AM that this is more likely shaking my head.

The news media, in a story like this, desperately wants a bad guy. There's only so much life, and very little conflict (woohoo conflict!) in a news story if it's met only with active and former players and celebs universally coming out and all saying something to the extent of "Good for him. We support you."

Secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, the media really wants someone to say "Well if I see him I'm gonna punch him hard in his face with my hand because queer. Grrrr!" What reporters love more than men or women is being able to say "We're not gonna call this guy a knuckle-dragger... but... here's what he said, and here's someone else who said this guy's a real knuckle-dragger."


The awkwardness here is that this isn't what Mike Wallace said. Wallace basically said "I don't get it and can't relate. I like women. I don't see it."

You can't subtextually suggest people grab their torches and head for someone's house for saying "That's his thing. Mine's chicks." To be proportional, the suggestion has to be... umm... let's all go and turn this guy's thermostat up from 70 to 73.


I'm sure Bill Romanowski's phone is probably ringing off the hook. There are a lot of cub reporters out there who are desperately seeking someone who will say "Grab a rope let's string this guy up. Yeehaw"

So far the closest I've heard was Chris Broussard on ESPN saying he's been led to believe it's a sin, and that he also holds in his heart that premarital sex goes against his personal beliefs. Some more on that here... http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/espn-chris-broussard-clarifies-views-jason-collins-don-221941033.html

May that be the worst that comes out of this.

Side note, and a bit of stupid humor (b/c what would this vanity blog be without...)

Do you suppose this makes it harder to be the color commentator for the next game this guy plays? There's a lot of unintentional double entendre in sports speak, esp. if you're a giggly third grader. Collins comes out with the ball, penetrates hard into the lane, etc. etc.

Too hard to be an I- and an O' before everything?

http://allthingsd.com/20130310/online-betting-site-intrade-shuts-down/

So apparently the Ireland-based trading site Intrade is shutting down because of “financial irregularities which, in accordance with Irish law," require them to cease operations. It's one of those sites where you can bet on non-sports stuff, like presidential elections.

I'm thinking there's a joke in there somewhere regarding weird finances and an Irish website for bookmaking. Something about the potatoes ->  shamrocks exchange rate. But I can't quite put it together.

Not (entirely) because it's racist/lazy... more because the humor's only marginal...

And everyone knows you don't go marginal on potatoes, you need to use better.

No. That was... wow but did that suck.

Thou Shalt Meme

We watched the Bible miniseries last night... 

I dunno, I think they may be taking some liberties with some of it. I don't remember the part about Noah and all the animals doing a Harlem Shake video.

'Merica!

College baseball season starts today. What's that, you say you don't care about college baseball?

Ya know who else didn't care about college baseball? That's right, Hitler.

So tune in for FSU vs. Rhode Island at 4 pm. Or be just like Hitler.

Can I carry around a "Like" Button?

I confess that I don't know how to process it when someone walks up to me and starts a conversation with "I thought what you put up on Facebook was really funny. I always think your stuff is great."

My initial reaction is to think Dammit, I have no use for real-world feedback. If you like something, post on Facebook that you like it. Plus, hey, then the world can see how genius you think I am!

But I'm fairly certain that's not a healthy or proper response.

Facebook is my meth. Or, more to the point, getting feedback from my peeps is my meth.

Walking up to me and just telling em you liked something is... like showing me a picture of meth instead.

Wait, no, that's a pretty shitty analogy. I need to figure out a better metaphor. And figure out how to respond when people say they liked something I put online.  Damn you, first world problems!

How to Cook Everything (Abridged)

So, I noticed in our kitchen there's a giant cookbook called How To Cook Everything.

I dunno, we must have picked it up when were in Georgia, because the entire thing's blank except for one page that just says:

"Deep-fry it".

Then underneath it says "Serve it with white gravy."

There's no I in Christmas... oh wait...

Clearing up for those needed. Things Christians SHOULD, and SHOULD NOT get worked up about around Christmas.

YES:
Menorah + Christmas tree do not = balanced decorations

Why it's probably worth it:
A menorah is a religious decoration. A nativity scene is a religious decoration. A Christmas tree is not a religious decoration.

Christmas tree instead of nativity is "Well we don't want to put up anything religious."

Okay. Then take down the menorah. It has to be both or neither.

NO:
WalKMartcy's says Happy Holidays in their advertisements instead of Merry Christmas! Boycott them!

Why it's misguided:
Retailers' primary purpose for the holidays is to run specials, generate sales, etc. This holiday agenda has nothing to do with the Christian notion of what Christmas is to be about. So... if they want to turn their promotions around this season into being 10% off for the holidays rather than 10% off because of the birth of Christ... let'em. 

The local Kim Kardashian perfume vendor shouldn't really factor that much into whether you observe the season in your particular house of worship.

YES:
Holiday specials about "the true meaning of Christmas"

Why it's probably worth it:
The last TV special that actually addressed the meaning of Christmas was the Charlie Brown one. Not saying it's been a long time, but I think there's a scene where they're sitting around smoking Lucky Strikes. It seems like instead there are a lot where Christmas is about reconnecting with a deadbeat estranged father, finding a nice boyfriend, or successfully accomplishing the task of spending a harmonious evening with your family.

There's one "true meaning of Christmas"... everything else is fodder for a Harriet Carter mail order coffee mug assortment.

NO:
It's not Xmas! It's Christmas!

Why it's misguided:
Do people sometimes use this because they don't want to mention Christ? I suppose. But more often it's likely because it takes up less space. And, as countless articles on the interwebz will tell you, chi, which is the Greek root of the letter X, and was the first letter of the Greek spelling. 

There's more important things to get worked up about, such as...

YES:
We're out of egg nog.

Nuff said.


   

New German word

Kammongitmoven -- the act of a pedestrian who sees the driver wave him to pass, slows down and gawks in front of the driver as if a car is a purple cow rather than shuffling out of the way.

Sent from my iPhone

might I borrow your buggywhip for a fortnight?

Had an interesting experience the other day that was probably irrelevant but I can still wax philosophic about, and after all isn't that what vanity blogs are for?

The other day I uttered three little words, words that used to be really common but I find few people utter anymore. And lest you think this is one of those romantic wanderings, it was "It's for you."

Yes, someone called my phone looking for someone else. It occurs to me this used to happen all the time, and now it's a completely bizarre occurrence. Like someone smoking a cigarette indoors and not having five people scream "WITCH!!!" and start boiling tar and plucking feathers.

I have about 1/3 of a complete thought on all the daily common experiences that are becoming outdated in less than a generation... certainly reinforced by seeing ads for "You've Got Mail" and ruminating on the point that this statement probably means nothing to a youngster now and meant nothing to anyone 25 years ago. Will report back if I ever do figure out what the point of this is.

Fourth meal after a fifth of Cuervo?

Dear Taco Bell,
Half your ads talk about fine Mexican culinary planning of your meals, which is bullcrap, and the other half says you appeal to drunk guys at 4:10 in the morning, which is absolutely true.
You may want to look into that.

Love,
Bradley

My new German word...

Kaputenfergoten --- the guilty feeling you get when the news comes out that an old time former celebrity died and you thought they were already dead.

Dear Mr. rebreG,

Dear Mr. Gerber,

We will not be referring to the upcoming FSU - USF game as "The Dyslexia Bowl". We consider the issue closed. Please do not write us again regarding this matter.

Hugs and kisses,

Florida State University

A Facebook group management rant

"I just joined your Facebook group so that I could post something for everyone to see. It looks like it's locked. Why is that?"

"Because you just joined the Facebook group so you could post something for everyone to see."

Hey, I just met you... promote me maybe?

I'm running into a weird type of person in my tyrannical and awe-inspiring reign as president of the local Young Republicans club (of which I'm sure Wagnerian tributes are being written as we speak)...

I'm not sure if this is a new phenomenon, or I've just never noticed it before.

About twice a week, I get an email that goes something like this... "Hello. I found your organization's website, and I noticed there are vacancies on the board. I am very involved. Can I have a leadership position? How can I get that?"

You would think when writing to an organization without having ever attended a single one of their meetings or for that matter met a single person that you know is in the group... you wouldn't ordinarily open with "Hey! Make me part of your executive board before I walk in the door. Oh, umm... please? There, I asked nicely."

The thing is at first my reaction to this was "Well this person's certainly enthusiastic, if a bit misguided. I'll encourage them to come out and get involved, and maybe after I know they're here to stay and not just a flash in the pan, I can find something for them to do! We can always use a few more good inner cadre types."

However, without fail, these "Hello, I found your group, give me a title now" types apparently are never in it for the long haul. Indeed, some of them never even make it to a single meeting!

Maybe it's because they join everything and want so many positions that come with some responsibility that they don't have nearly as much time as they thought they would. Maybe it's because they're of the all or nothing at all sorts of personalities. Maybe they're just looking to pad their resumes and aren't really looking to actually earn their stripes.

I've got a really solid board now. Maybe the best board I've seen since I started getting really active in the club about 8 years ago.

And I don't think a single one of them introduced themselves to the club with "Hello, how do I get to be in charge?"

Spoiler Alert

Spoiler alert in 3...2...

I understand that in one of the early drafts, Joseph Gordon Mary Kate Olsen Leavitt's character in Dark Knight Rises was to be named Robiny Robin McRobinsalot and be played by the love child of Robin Wright and Robin Williams, but Nolan thought perhaps that would be too subtle.

The election scenario no one's mentioning.

Stumbled across an interesting option for the 2012 presidential election while playing around with the website 270towin.com.

http://www.270towin.com/2012_election_predictions.php?mapid=pfP

This website will start off by filling in the states where the polls are already dramatic one way or t'other. CA blue, Texas red, etc. You can then predict how you see the states in play will fall and it will give you the totals of who would win with that breakdown. As it currently stands, they list as in play:

• Nevada
• Colorado
• Iowa
• Wisconsin
• Ohio
• Pennsylvania
• New Hampshire
• Virginia
• North Carolina
• Florida

Let's say the Dems keep Nevada -- Harry Reid's home state, didn't go our way in 2010. I'll also give the Dems Colorado. I don't buy that New Hampshire is in play, so you can color that one blue as well. Virginia's always been a pretty middle-of-the-road state, but let's say that the population of DC federal employees that continue to spread out into VA keep that one barely blue. Pennsylvania would be an amazing pickup, but I don't see it happening.

Wisconsin, after the Scott Walker fun, could be a Republican pickup. Iowa and NC come back into the GOP fold. For the sake of this breakdown I'm giving Romney Ohio and Florida ---both certainly possible.

This breakdown would be 269 - 269. A tie.

Which then gets thrown to the House of Representatives.

Boy, you wanna see a hot mess of media engaging in self-flagellation and tearing of clothes...

Top Ten Things Putting Your Presidential Candidate's Bumper Sticker On Your Car Accomplishes

1. Mildly irritates the 40% of the population that likes the other guy. For a couple of seconds.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Ummm... makes your back bumper more visible? Because of color? So may reduce risk of accidents, I guess?

I don't know where people get this idea that I'm a colossal nerd...

We have to box up our offices, as we're temporarily moving out (office will be gutted, rebuilt).

Every box is to be numbered. There's a sea of boxes.

So, naturally... I looked up on my iPhone the number written on the box at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, and wrote that number on mine.

That depends on what your definition of is is

Saw a Yahoo news article yesterday, the headline said something like "More prominent Republicans opting to skip convention"... so I thought I should probably see who they were talking about... surely someone who is knee-deep in a really competitive state race somewhere.

The "major Republicans" they were writing about were Jon Hunstman and Linda McMahon.

My friends that worked (for a short time) on the Huntsman campaign notwithstanding, I think I have a different definition of "prominent Republicans" than they do.

Also, vampires aren't real

I think it would be great if you went to the IMDB page for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and under goofs in the film it listed:

• Abraham Lincoln was not a vampire hunter.
  

Love me, love my friends

I don't know what this says about my friends or how they reflect on me. I'd like to think it's a sign we're all hella-cool, and not that it's time for an intervention.

Saturday afternoon co-ed baby shower = meh.

Saturday afternoon co-ed baby shower where someone hands you a beer and says help us polish these off = woohoo!

Saturday evening quinciniera for triplets in the church's fellowship hall= ok.

Bleating a knock on the window and it's thoughts from the church calling you to sneak out to puff on an extra cigar they brought... Hells yes!

It'd be better than Gremlins 2, anyway.

Almost all of what I know about the new Hunger Games movie is from the 30-second TV commercial, having not read the books or even about them. I'm guessing it's some sort of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Running Man meets that middle school required reading short story The Lottery kinda thing, with a bit of Lord of the Flies thrown in?

 

All I really know is it's apparently set to make a crapload of moolah.

 

So, I have decided I'm going to go ahead and start writing Hunger Games 2: Thirst Games.

 

It'll be about members of a fraternity who are forced to play Beer Pong and Quarters... umm... TO THE DEATH!

 

Okay so it still needs some work.

I hear the Motel 6 in Waukegan is nice too

While the weekend's accommodations... in the form of a Howard Johnson's in Tampa... are a housecat to this week's sinewy puma, in its own way the weekend conference was also very pleasant. And, whereas this week in the Bayhaymays will be themed by relaxation, there was a definite sense of camaraderie and of cooperation through the weekend as TLMS and I jutted up for the Florida Federation of Young Republicans quarterly meeting.

Considering what will follow below, it's a pretty funny side note that this weekend's conference may go down as "The One Where Sarah Got Bitten". Socializing at Gasparilla festival (a sort of mini Mardi Gras), TLMS and some little 60ish year old lady both reached up for the same cheap beads tossed from a parade float. The old lady promptly BIT into Sarah's arm which out of surprise, reflex and anger warranted a thump to the back. The lady (somewhat) apologized... and since no skin was broken we didn't feel the need to dig into the issue further... Thankfully the result was a bizarre story to tell and not, say tetanus.

To the more mundane.... You wouldn't tell by looking at it that even this time last year, the statewide rather loose affiliation of YR clubs had as its M.O. a highly unproductive spirit of brinksmanship and demonization as the orders of the day. All that appears to have cleared out, and in its place you only find the various club leaders genuinely looking to help each other out with ideas and suggestions, a free flow of ideas, and new energetic local young leadership that is rewarded, rather than suspected, for its fresh enthusiasm.

We continue to play around with the format of how these conventions will work. Being involved in politics on a fairly regular basis, it became apparent throughout the organization that pretty much everyone was ready for something more than the "Rah Rah we love Reagan" Rubber Chicken lunch and dinner in a non-descript hotel 4x a year. Indeed, that, perhaps second only to the aforehintedat hostility, was probably a leading cause of the dwindling attendance... Instead we're focusing on rotating in practical sessions --- tips club leaders can USE, inspirational stories, reports from those who have done it before, and panels that are more discussion provoking than ideological.

That said, I think these conferences also can't always be COMPLETELY devoid of a little bit of star power... Politics after all is "show business for ugly people" But we'll find a natural happy point to be most productive with a bit of both.

For now I'm just happy that the group is really quite civil, and dare I say it friendly.

Sent from my iPad

Cheers from Paradise

The start of what hopes to be a fairly tranquil week here, TLMS and I are camped out at the waterfront vacation home of her aunt an uncle that is "Somewhere OTR", specifically on the unpacked and sparsely populated Lubbers Quarters in the Abacos, northern Bahamas.

You know you've done well for yourself when you can have a vacation home in the Islands... and quite well by things if you can (somewhat) seriously give your property a name and a theme. This Tara's full name is Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and we're happily ensconced in the detached "Nowhere" a little place directly behind the house that is... Bigger than a cabana but smaller than a cottage, I suppose... It's a king bed and a full bathroom. The main house is actually just a (sprawling) 1/1, but the kitchen, living room, office and dining room give the house a proper footprint. It is, of course, the patio that sits calmly about 70 feet above the almost equally calm Atlantic that is truly striking.

This is our third trip here, and at a week will be the longest. It seems an ideal combination for me, as the majority of the agenda consists of reading, relaxing, eating and drinking... and the next biggest percentage consists of bullshitting and solving all the world's problems... However for all its laziness I do still have access to the glory and wonder that is a wifi signal. as such, it's all the rehab and none of those pesky cyber-DTs!

Brad's cough and chills acted up again today, which led to him bowing out of the late morning's strenuous day of wandering a beach in search of interesting remnants. Swapping in some reading and a nap instead of that isn't an entirely bad idea.

If you've come this far, you may want to Google "gone bananas on lubbers" and see if you want to l I've the life...

Sent from my iPad