Sunday, April 20, 2008

ha ha huh?

This one's especially dedicated to the liberal teachers and admins at a certain private school I know.

So, let me get this straight...

* You think that George Bush is the reason why gas prices go up... and that's what you tell the millionaire children of Saudi princes who have bodyguards at your school, and the growing population of Venezuelan ex-pats.

* You can look at the sentence "Republicans are always making sweeping generalizations about whole groups of people" and not see this as weak logic.

* You've dedicated your professional careers to a place built on the idea that a private business can do a better job of providing an education than the federal government --- so much better that even though parents pay school taxes anyway, they will choose to spend an extra $20,000 a year for what you're selling... and yet you think the same federal government should take over the health care system to fix it.

* You've dedicated your professional careers to a place built on the idea that people who succeed in business should be able to purchase the finest educations that only they can afford, and students should have to pass tests to make sure only the acceptable are allowed at your business.

* Slips of the tongue and misstatements are clear signs of stupidity for the likes of Reagan, Quayle, Bush, etc., and you would know because when you speak several times a day to small groups every day of the week, you NEVER have slip-ups or misstatements.

* You think Bush must be a slack-jawed yokel... and if you had a student graduate from Yale (with higher grades than John Kerry's), then get his MBA from Harvard he'd be the biggest feather in your cap. (

* When you learn (likely here) that Al Gore said in 1992, "A zebra does not change its spots.", you understand it as being a slip in the tongue. When you hear that Dan Quayle never actually SAID "Being in Latin America makes me wish I knew Latin", you don't correct the next person who claims he did.

* A president is elected under close and possibly suspicious circumstances. He brings almost no experience into the job, got breaks in life from his dad's political connections, has an abrasive vice president, cut taxes for the rich, gets us involved in a war the administration grossly underestimates and fumbles nearly every step along the way... if this is George Bush it's a sign he's to be ridiculed, if it's JFK he was one of the greats.

* You criticize the federal government's record in disaster relief, education, crime prevention, road and bridge work, social security, and just about every other undertaking they've done... and wonder why those silly Republicans are resistant to hand over more of their lives to the federal government in the interests of "fairness".

* Week 1: Make fun of the days when the entire academic community knew the world was flat, the sun revolved around the earth, and maggots are spontaneously generated from old meat. Week 2: "Everyone knows" global warming is a new phenomenon that man's primarily responsible for and that trees and bats and snakes and deer all began as one cell and got their forms based on what was in the air around them. Anyone who ponders otherwise is to be ridiculed and shouted down.

* You think Bill Moyers can come out of the Kennedy administration, Chris Matthews from the Carter administration, and Stephanopolous from the Clinton administration... and that's not a sign of media bias... but Karl Rove being a guest to speak about campaigning on Fox News is a travesty.

* You think polls are a clear indicator of what's right... unless, of course, the polls show most Americans support the death penalty, support gun rights, or believe in God, in which case they're obviously imbeciles.

* You send children to English where they learn that 1000 years ago wine was made readily in England, yet global warming isn't cyclical.

* You send children to Social Studies where they learn that 150 years ago in England you were expected to be working in a factory by age 14 and everyone burned coal for heat, yet somehow we're polluting more now.

... and you say you're teaching kids how to think critically? Really??

No comments: