Wednesday, December 28, 2011

does this get me a sponsorship deal?

Gotta say, if you work anywhere around downtown Miami, gotta try Mamas on Wheels ( delivery lunch. Treat myself about once a month or so and I always am happy w/ the meals.  Right size portions, some tasty sauces.  It's a good option to mix in.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

For a reallllly happy holidays...

Christmas is behind us... no more egg nog (well, it's still there but I really ought to stop)... no more scrambling for presents, no more decorations...

... and no more of that 4G T-Mobile ad where I swear it sounds like they're saying "Walking in an orgy wonderland".

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Your shirts are rallying against you

I think it's a sign I'm too involved in politics.  I get lists of requests from reporters looking for sources on stories.  One came in with the title "Closet Organization".  My first thought was this was something about secret societies, smoke-filled room stuff... a look at closeted organizations.  Freemasons and all that.

It took me a minute to realize "Closet Organization" probably is a story about organizing your closet.

Monday, September 5, 2011

A new Helen Keller joke (no, really!)

So I was playing this game called Apples to Apples, where everyone has an adjective (pretty, noisy, etc.), and you have a handful of nouns & proper nouns (ballerina, Canada, Rush Limbaugh, etc.). You have to play the noun that you think the judge will find the best or funniest fit.

The description was "Touchy-Feely".

Our little 10 year old player offered up as touchy-feely Helen Keller.

After about 2 solid minutes of laughter, we had to explain to her just why it was in fact so funny... she had no idea who Helen Keller was. She had read the little helpful description on the card that she was an accomplished author.

Well, yes, there's that...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

25,000 Cent Pyramid

"you left me in the trunk of a hot car in the sun in the middle of August in Miami, ya idiot."

"ummm... Things My Lunch Would Say!"

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Even worse joke....

Due to a paperwork error, when I took my car into be repaired the mechanic gave me a loner car.

It's pretty much the same as a regular car, except that when I park, it just sits on the other end of the parking lot away from all the other cars and sulks.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

yuk yuk yuck

New horrid pun in 3...2...

Kids today are increasingly using mobile technology to support their corner lemonade stands. iPhones can provide the kids with the recipes, help them track results, and even follow lemonade inventory.

Experts say the role of parents has been....



Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I hope they do the Macarena

I got an evite to an event this weekend. Really? People still do that? I checked and it's not dated 1996.

Too bad because I was hoping we could get into a discussion of how Alanis Morrisette's album is about that guy from Full House and grumble about how AOL keeps sending us CDs.

It's a shame the service fell out of popularity, actually. As best as I could tell there wasn't anything particularly wrong with it. Free invites you can customize, track, e-mail out people reminders, etc... I think the only thing that really killed it was people were sending out spam that looked like evites. Basically the same thing that effectively stopped online birthday cards.

Monday, May 30, 2011

To Boldly Go Where Every Fan Has Gone Before

So, doubt that I'm the first to do this... probably not the first to do it on a vanity blog, maybe not even the first to do it using blogger, but the SciFi Channel has been showing a marathon of all the Star Trek movies, in seemingly random order.

Some are really enjoyable, tight productions. Some are only for the dedicated fans. And some are unwatchable bilge. But, then, if you make more than a dozen of something that ain't cans of Coke, you're going to have some slippage.

Here's how I rank the films, with a few little notes as I remember them.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Star Trek: First Contact
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Star Trek (JJ Abrams version) -- there's a couple of flaws that really take down what could be a better movie. A long scene of Kirk drag racing in a stolen car would be mildly amusing if it weren't spoiled by being in the trailer for a year or so. Even so, the thought of someone 200 years from now considering a classic car being a joyride... I mean, it's not like kids today show their wild side by jacking a horse & buggy.

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock --- this one ranks kind of middle of the road. There's nothing outwardly wrong about it, but also has no particular redeeming or memorable features. It's alright.

Star Trek: Generations --- Should be lower for the wasted use & travesty end to Kirk.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture --- this might have been a bit better if, say, about 35 minutes of establishing shots were taken out.

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier --- Much has been written about the circumstances that killed this film. Industrial Light & Magic was unavailable to do the special effects, so it has some thin points. It had budget and writer problems so some scenes in the conclusion were cut. Shatner's ego probably transfers writ large on the screen. People acting out of character. But I think the biggest problem here is "Eddie & The Cruisers Syndrome". It's a solid set-up that fails to deliver on the potential it builds up.

Star Trek: Insurrection --- soap opery. Picard love stories made bad episodes, and this one's like a 2 hour long bad episode.

Star Trek Nemesis --- a lifeless, wandering film that's entirely too self-referential for (the end of) two series with plenty of other institutional knowledge to refer back to. Some hideous filming choices, a boring villain, a confusing rationale... and what the hell is a clone that doesn't look like the clonee?

I don't think I missed any.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

mmmm ecodisaster

2nd day of smoke coming in from a brushfire in the Everglades.

We oughta just replace the swamp with hickory trees instead of sawgrass. At least then the news would just be "Expect today to unexpectedly find yourself mildly hungry for BBQ."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

they stole my idea....

well, kinda.

My original screenplay was a movie about a royal facing the shame of his difficulty in successfully farming produce. It was going to be called............

(like you don't see this coming.............)

The King's Peach.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It was gonna be Patrick Swayze again....

People magazine announced that Jennifer Lopez will be on their cover of the most beautiful people today or whatever it is they call it.

In other news, People magazine announced that it takes 8 years for them to write each issue. After the piece on Jennifer Lopez being hot, there's a really interesting feature on Lindsay Lohan's promising film career, and eager anticipation of what M. Night Shamalayan will direct next.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

A Newt-ered Campaign

As is often the case, the Onion has probably nailed the sentiment better than any news analyst could...
Even Newt Gingrich a Little Depressed By Prospect of Him Running for President

There are at least three reasons why the almost-entirely-soon-to-be-really-this-time official Newt Gingrich campaign for president is a bad idea. Either it's going to bomb now or bomb later, but either way it's a disaster so bad he might as well hire Irwin Allen to be his campaign manager. (True, Irwin Allen is currently mostly dead. But then, so is the campaign).

Of the three reasons, only one has really been discussed by media and commentators.

The obvious one is "the bio thing". 17 years passing since the Contract With America and taking back the House (wow, math makes me feel old), that doesn't change his history of divorces and infidelity and whatnot. Now, he didn't especially help his case by being on TBN or whatever it was saying his marriage broke up because of his overwhelming sense of patriotism and love of country. That was just a useless statement, which... if you listen to the larger explanation... is slightly less of a useless statement. Which leads me to

#2 he's a professor, and professors make crap politicians.

Politicians have to be able to say what they're gonna say in... well less words than this little rant, certainly. Professors have to fill 45 minutes or more. There's a reason why attorneys are often good in politics. Moving a jury plucked from the general public is a lot like moving the general public --- peppering them with nuggets they can remember always helps as their form opinions.

#3 He got outflanked by the Clintons. Badly.

When it came time to implement the Contract with America, drive a stake through the heart of wasteful government... and oh yeah bringing impeachment charges, there can be no real argument that the Clintons ran circles around Newt. So much so that it's basically what led to him leaving DC with tail firmly tucked.

Fast forward a couple of years, and the same Clinton machine was somewhat surprisingly taken out by Obama, Ivan Drago vs. Apollo Creed style.

So, now Newt, who lost badly to the guy who lost badly to the guy... wants to take on the team that whipped the team that whipped him.

It won't be pretty.

Or particularly enjoyable.