Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A reading frrom the book of Bradlediah

1 yea, verily I sayeth unto you, the DMV doth suck so. 2. Let us not
giveth unto them our health care, that they might befoul that as well.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

We wish you'd fork them over

The song "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" has always bothered me.

The first verse is we wish you a merry christmas.  

The 2nd verse is "now gimme some damn pudding, and hop to it!"

The 3rd verse is "Look, we're not leaving till we get some freaking pudding, got it?"

I expect if the song had kept going, the 4th verse would be something like "Make with the pudding or some reindeer will get shot."

Honestly, it's like the latest string of home security commercials. Carolers breaking in and such.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

WTF Christmas edition

A, umm, heartwarming little song by John Denver about Christmas.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

how cool is this?

Okay, I'm sufficiently jealous. Apparently this Chinese (news station?) explaining the Tiger Woods crash did a CGI recreation of how the wreck might have gone to illustrate the story.

The bit about her chasing him with the golf club is pretty damn solid. Heh.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


So, I haven't been good about updating this. I blame Facebook. If I post stuff there, I get instant response. Here it's been... ummm... a couple of years of self-gratification. And really, who wants to watch a guy gratify himself in public?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Democrats as Frat Boys.

You've all seen "that guy" at the party.   The guy who thinks every conversation around him probably is about sex.   He'll see two women chatting casually and come up and ask if they're discussing something vulgar.  He'll see a guy and girl talking and he'll ask "Has he told you yet what he wants to do with you"?  Etc.   This character is pretty well lampooned on the show Scrubs in the surgeon character "The Todd".

The thing is, any discerning person knows that if someone walks around saying "Hey, I think they're talking about sex.   Why does everyone always have sex on their mind?   Why is every conversation about sex?"   It's not the community around the guy that is obsessed, it's just him.

So, I think of the Democrats this past month or so who see racism everywhere they look.   Maureen Dowd's shameful article in the NY Times that said when Joe Wilson blurted out "You Lie" during an Obama address, "All she could hear" was him saying "You lie, boy"... which she followed with some gross generalizations about the South and about whites.

Suggesting other options on healthcare should be considered rather than the Democrat plan?   Sounds like racism!   Agree with Obama when he said that the Nobel Peace Prize couldn't really have been a recognition for any work he'd done?   Hey you must be thinking racist thoughts!   Tea party?   You're probably thinking about the President's skin color!

My question --- if someone looks around and sees racism as secretly under every conversation.... it's a cliche but a bit of wisdom --- remember that when you point your finger at someone, you're pointing four fingers back at yourself.

Monday, October 19, 2009

the huh?

Odorono, by the Who


So, this song is 42 years old.   It's pretty simple, I mean I'm no musician but it sounds like it's only got a couple of chords in it.  So why is it I can listen to it just about every day?  And 2 generations from now will people still be replaying Nickelback songs twice a day?

At least one part that shows some of the band's genius is the parts where it's broken up.   If it was just a regular rolling rhythm it might have faded into obscurity (which is not to say this isn't a relatively obscure Who song)... but the breaks in it (triUMphant...) make it really stand out...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Another WTFer.... hey we're a great tool for stalking!!!


So, apparently this is specifically designed for exactly ONE purpose... You want to follow someone on Twitter without them knowing you're following them. It's called TweetStalk.


This can't end well.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

rubbing elbows

Had a good time last night at the Dolphins game. Except for the whole not being at the Dolphins game part... tho even that worked out.

Went to the pre-game tailgate for the Marco Rubio for US Senate campaign.

Rubio's a good man, and a solid candidate. All indications are he's a dyed-in-the-wool conservative who speaks plainly yet with conviction... if only that weren't something so rare it actually stands out! And, if I can confess a bit of dorkyness, I definitely like the notion that Marco recognizes me by now and calls me by name :) Heck, it's one of the things that keeps me out of polyticks, some days I wonder if I can remember TLMS's name without cue cards.

Never did get a ticket, and left as the game was just starting. Surprisingly, I made it from the stadium back to Kendall in 30 minutes (err I sure was obeying all our state's fine traffic laws). Got back in time to sit down and watch the 2nd half of the 1st qtr.

Dorkiness part 2, ran in the apt, turned on ABC and ran into the, umm, library... forgot that MNF hasn't been on ABC for a couple of years. So it was Dancing with the Stars instead :p

Monday, September 28, 2009

Not on your Christmas compilation

This one gets a big ol' WTF from me...

I like the song, I like Christmas lights... but what the hell is putting the two together?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

life, the universe, and everything...

I have to wonder sometimes about the wisdom of a system where everyone comes into the world naked, screaming, covered in filth and confused... and for many it goes downhill from there.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I could send up smoke signals

Is it weird that e-mailing a question to my wife seems "old school"?   That it takes "soooo much longer" for looking if she's online (on facebook, gmail messenger, etc.) and/or texting her seems the way to go, e-mailing could take, like, MINUTES to get an answer.  

Like bangin' rocks together to make fire.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The polls are dropping --- has "change" changed?

So, what do we make of Obama's poll numbers falling off?   A callous, cynical population that doesn't appreciate the wonders that Obama so eloquently offers?  Frail seniors scared and confused by the huge unfiltered public persona that is Sarah Palin?

No.   What's happening is that supporting "change" is irrelevant.   You could be completely opposed to someone's plans, and still agree some sort of change needs to be done.   You both think something needs to happen, but when they start going their way, that's when you realize they're not aligned with what you thought.

Let me explain... some examples. 

I'm holding my hand an inch away from your face.   I ask, "Do you want me to MOVE my hand?"   You say yes, so I smack you.   Are you happy with this?  We all agreed we wanted my hand to move.   Polls for changing my hand's position were unanimous.   See if popularity drops when you get smacked in the face.   Obama's administration is certainly doing that.

You go around your office around noon and ask if people would support ordering lunch.  Most people say sure, we can get behind a nice, vague, notion of lunch.   Everyone has their own ideas.   You come back an hour later and hand them all a tuna sandwich on rye with mustard.   "I don't understand, everyone supported lunch!   This is lunch."

The more vague the common denominator is, the safer and unobjectionable it is.

Do you support change?   YES!  
Change we can believe in?   HOORAY!  
Change to the role the federal government plays in how banks and auto companies and American industry operates?   Ummmm.....
Do you support having the people who brought you the DMV, the IRS, the VA, and the post office make the medical care you receive "more efficient"?    Wait, ya'll have a different sense of what needed to be changed then I do.   You weren't thinking what I was when I said okay let's get lunch.

Extreme leftist policies... specific policies.... are contrary to the American spirit, to the immutable laws of economics, and in many cases to the fundamentals of basic logic.  Unilaterally puishing companies that produce and taking money from them because they emit carbon when they produce simply does NOT yield job growth.   Beating the rich like a pinata may win popularity contests but it doesn't stabilize the system or grow the pot.

Some realized this early, some are coming to it now.   The polls are saying we never said we wanted to be smacked in the face.  

Monday, August 31, 2009

McDonalds is now Gobbledyfoobidies

Okay, so I normally don't mention specific companies in my blog, because I know that corporations monitor blogs for mentions of their brand (believe me, I know this.   I used to do it!)  

However, I gotta fire this one off... what the crap is Brink's Security thinking, changing their name for home security to Broad View?  You spend 150 years building up brand equity, you have a company name that's ICONIC with your industry.   Brinks trucks might be as readily identified with a given product as you can get without losing control of your brand like a Kleenex or Velcro. 

So why would you throw out a name synonymous with security for your home security systems?  

Broadview home security sounds like one of those companies where you go out and spend $10 and they give you a couple of stickers to slap on the windows that say you're protected :-p

you know why I like this toothpaste? It doesn't burst into flames.

More on an ad that disturbs me... Charlie Sheen recommends underpants to Michael Jordan because they don't creep up on you.   Ummm I don't recall that being a really significant problem, my underwear riding up on me.   Unless it's a really old pair or I've been driving for like a day and a half.

But I guess it's hard to sell stuff like that when your product is largely commoditized.   I mean, how often can you say "Well, see, ours are SOFT."

I do like the tagless ones though, at least that's a "development" that makes sense.

I also like that my soda doesn't commit crimes.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

if yer gonna be stranded....

I wasn't particularly happy about the fact that my car crapped out its battery, or that it took me $425 to get it fixed.  

However, if I was going to be forced to work from home, Monday was a pretty dang good day to be stuck there.   Consider this line-up... two Bond movies (the first one being From Russia With Love, maybe the most underrated of the entire series... then Man with the Golden Gun --- not as good, but has its moments...)

Then, two specials on the history channel on Star Wars... one on how it fits into mythology and archetypes, and the other on the feasibility of the science in the movie.

Then Simpsons.   Oh and there was probably a Scrubs mixed in there. 

Nice to have a day at home where there's something on TV other than just commercials for how I could become a paralegal.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Drinky drinky

Whenever I order a Black & Tan, I find it interesting that the
Guinness floats to the top as it's actually less dense than the Harp.

Whenever I order 5 Black & Tans, I find it interesting that the
English language has so many difficult sounds ;-)

Monday, August 3, 2009

well you'd use it more than quixotic.

I was thrilled a while back to hear the word "Meh." had to be officially added to the dictionary.


I'm officially starting here the lobbying for the next new word for consideration to be "craptastic."  

Because really what word in the English language serves this purpose?   Something that's so thoroughly and completely devoid of quality, it almost laps itself and is good at how bad it is.

It's kind of a shame that there are so many examples of things being craptastic.   But then as long as they keep making films from video games, there will always be a need for this adjective.

Join the cause! 

Monday, July 27, 2009

da da da, da da *yawn*

Was thinking about this the other day as I (half-)watched ESPN SportsCenter.

Ten, twelve years ago it seemed watching SportsCenter was THE thing to do, it was practically the capital of "guydom", or at least sports fan central. It seems to have fallen so far that "I saw something interesting on SportsCenter last night" would once have gotten "Oh yeah that was awesome!" to "Really? SportsCenter? You still watch that?"

So, where do you figure the fall from grace came from? Too much corporate tie-in, "Now it's time for the Aantares.com Five Questions Hot Seat Indicator Bell"?

The departure of the likes of Craig Kilborn and Kieth Olbermann and the failure to find similarly fun replacements?

Omnipresence of the Internet?

Stuart Scott?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

they should make the whole show out of the black box

Sometime, The Daily Show should do a joke where they play a clip of a politician saying something that sounds ridiculous, then cut to Jon Stewart saying "Waaaaa?" and mocking surprise. Wonder why they never do that.

Maybe when that's done we could have a movie where someone sees the police coming and shouts "We've got COMPANY!" Ya know, because that's ironic.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

more (somewhat) serious blogging

Have another piece up on SFlaConservative.com, you can find it here...


Thursday, July 9, 2009

not our wedding dance....

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

I could so rock that shirt though.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Where's the any key?

Call to tech support:

"hi, yes I'm installing this printer and was hoping you could give me
the phone number for Jack?"

"Sorry, but who is Jack?"

"I don't know --- the instructions just say "PLUG PRINTER INTO FAX AND

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Better living through bad cliches

I managed to amuse myself today by (semi-)successfully employing the expression "I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees."   The context was saying I didn't want to dub myself to be the self-appointed communicator of the ideas and thoughts of others, that it would be a bit presumptuous of me to hop up and insist I was a spokesperson for the thoughts of an entire group --- and I didn't to come out and say I was the Lorax and I speak for the trees ;-)

I randomly pepper in this crap just to keep myself on this side of sanity.   You would too after a 3 1/2 hour conference call.

Sometime later this week, I'm hoping to find a way to work in a random expression of my own.   Perhaps "The short answer?  No.   The long answer?   Nooooooooooooooooooo."  :-p

Monday, June 29, 2009

apocalypse humor

Two guys are sitting in a bar when one turns to the other and says "10 seconds left until the aliens come down and kablammo everything. What are you going to do?"

"Boy, I would nail everything that moves. How about you?"

"Well, apparently I'm going to sit perfectly still."

Friday, June 26, 2009

all things being equal...

I feel, somehow, I belong right about here...

View Larger Map

It's where I'm drawn to.

Perhaps it's not ALL that odd, I mean I did live in this building and the one next to it for two years, spent the next couple of years also bumping around that area every day... and those were four pretty great yrs. Plus I've tried to get back at least once a year for a game since then (12 years since I was a resident in that there castle buildin' there? Wow).

Plus it's purty.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

when I was a child, I thought as a child...

... I'm still not so old and crotchety that I don't find it amusing to think that in hotels, the "Do Not Disturb" sign, in Spanish, says "Por Favor No Molestar".

I know what it means, but hell it sure looks like "Please don't molest me."

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

the road back to profitability

I have a suggestion as to how the news media can make up some of the
lost revenue they've been missing... profit by extortion.

Here's how it works... "Give us $5 or we'll continue to write stories
about the current marital status updates of Jon + Kate + 8."

Hell, I'd pay.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

kodachrome, gives us those nice bright colors...

For no discernible reason, I was just thinking back to the days of Q-Zar (laser tag) and to Whirlyball parties.   The only reason I can possibly come up with is that I was thinking of Tallahassee Mall, which had a huge laser tag arcade thing there when I was a Freshman, and it closed before maybe end of sophomore year.

I wonder if those things were as much damned fun as I remember them being, or if it's just one of those things that seemed awesome because I was 12, or if they really were cool.

I remember when I was a little kid I was at the pre-school at Miami-Dade Community College, and taking the loooooong walk over to the auditorium building were these huge hills we would roll down whenever we got the chance.   I was there a couple of years ago to take a grad school entrance exam, and I see it's the next building over, and someone went and shrunk the hills.  

Must be global warming.

Monday, June 15, 2009

there we were waving Brenda Renetti goodbye

Random thought.   You know the Billy Joel song Scenes from an Italian Restaurant?   It's the one with the middle part that is generally referred to as "The Ballad of Brenda and Eddie."
The thing is for the longest time (oh ohhh ohhh for the longest time), I thought it was a song about someone named Brenda Renetti.  Admittedly, a lot of the lyrics don't make sense if it's not about two people ("We always thought they would both find a way to survive" certainly gets odd).   But then, it wouldn't be the first time a song had confusing lines.   I'm still trying to figure out what Billy Joe McAllister threw off the Tallahatchee Bridge.

Friday, June 5, 2009

I don't know why it bothers me...

Bothers is the wrong word, but still... I'd just as soon not get so many notes suggesting all the neat little things I could get for my dad for Father's Day.

I find myself pretty relieved when it's come and gone.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I won!

So, today is, ummm, the 2nd week of the rest of my life.

Who would have guessed it, I'm for the first time Mister... okay well actually that part doesn't change, but TLMS is now also Mrs. Spartan :)

I think I'm officially out of excuses. It's been two weeks since the wedding and one week since we got back from the honeymoon. She says I have to get some stuff won into the blog before I forget it, and she's got a good sense about these sorts of things.

So, hmmm... I was trying to remember random thoughts to jot down when going through the weekend. Here they are in something vaguely resembling chronological order.

* Having all the guys back together again is a good thing. Having all the guys in town together was neat. Having all the guys in my car at the same time with their luggage was more than a little funny. We piled outta that thing like a frigging clown car. Josh sitting on Torsky's lap --- I wish I'd gotten some pictures.

* I knew somehow I was going to get stuck with a few extra Marlins tickets and shelling out more than $100 of my own money. I really tried to get around it. But I don't really know what else I can do when people tell me on Wednesday night they're bringing someone to the game, and Friday neither of them come, well... guess who gets left holding the debt. Least I got a shirt and a hat out of the deal ;-)

* After the game... ummm... the poetry reading sure was interesting.

* The rehearsal reminded me of Usual Suspects. A line of guys chuckling and barely following orders :)

*Somehow though I had months of warning, there was still stuff I had to do ON the way to the rehearsal to be prepared. As it turns out, the rehearsal really helped because it gave me pretty specific directions to focus on during El Dia Grande, and answered pretty much any of my questions.

* The rehearsal dinner was nice, and I think everyone there enjoyed it... despite the restaurant not putting us in the room we'd booked for. However, the free round of champagne for the entire party certainly helped dull the pain. The groomsmen table might argue that the dozen or 15 bottles of wine helped dull some pain a bit too.

* I'm not entirely sure why I was disconnecting so much that day. I think it's a combination of the lingering effects of the... errr..."food poisoning". I think it was also a bit of nerves.

* I'd been told by a couple of the bridesmaids how amazing the dress was going to look, how beautiful Sarah was going to be, etc. Of course, my natural guy reaction was "okay, I'd better figure out how to act like it's a big deal." When I saw her in the back of the church, I could only think (and believe I said) "Wow."

That's all you get for now... more on the trip next time. I only wanna say I consider myself a lucky and contented fella. If you're reading this and were part of the big day, I'd appreciate it if you could share a thought or two :)

Monday, May 4, 2009

got a lot done yesterday... tick, tick, tick...

Yesterday was pretty productive, for a Sunday.   TLMS and I were able to check a few things off the list.   I picked up the certificate of completion from the church (whew!  we gradiyated!), we sat with the DJ for about 45 mins and discussed a lot about the music... ugh @ driving to Homestead and back... TLMS was muy happy for having found the perfect canvas bags at Old Navy to fill with stuff for the bridesmaids and guests.... we got the sheets to create little "Bradley and Sarah trivia cards" that we can scatter around the tables with the US history cards.   I also wrote up some of the little facts we can populate those cards with.  Having selected the songs, I even got a mini-dance lessons from Sarah (I think I only stepped on her toes mebbe 2 or 3 times).

Also got the last hotel booked for the big trip.  Found a lovely hotel in Munich with a panorama view in the top floor.  Now if only I could find out why even the bigger rooms have double beds instead of kings.   Doh!

Hope to get a bit more training betwixt now and el dia grande.

Chilling on South Beach now, killing time in a pizza joint and waiting for my mom to land so I can go get her at el aeropuerto.  Speaking of airports... this time, in two weeks, we'll be on a plane on the way across the Atlantic :)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

more random thoughts

ya know, I don't talk much about work here, but...

Just once I'd like to have a pitch for a client go something like this...


"It is I, his Chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga.   Let me tell you of the days of high adventure..."

Friday, April 24, 2009

are you a sell-out if you're not being paid? ;-)

Well, faithful reader(s), looks like I'm going to start contributing occasionally to a local political Web site... www.sflaconservative.com.   Run by a pretty good guy who's come to work with the Biscayne Bay Young Republicans some, Marcos Sendon... a regular guy who basically just realized there are some pretty cool ways out there today to communicate with like-minded people.

So, if you're reading this... maybe check that page too from time to time.   It'll doubtless be a bit more serious than this (tho that ain't exactly a high bar to clear)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

under construction

I don't think I can describe the state the house is in... the entire first floor is basically gutted.   No more working TV, just the little one in Mom's room.   Guess I'll be doing a lot of Netfliking and such, when not down at TLMS's of course.   Still, it's only a couple of weeks.   Then.... first day of the rest of my life ;-)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Pretty neat new feature, I can now e-mail posts and have them come up directly to my blog.   This is (a little) easier than logging onto my blog and doing it that way, so hopefully that means updates more often :)

My blogging and Facebookery was apparently one of the questions at TLMS's bridal shower.   I wonder if that means anyone will stumble across this blog.   Hellooooo ladies!

Speaking of TLMS, we're inside of a month now.   Oof!   Always get a weird feeling when I've been looking forward to something for a long time, and then suddenly it's behind ya.   Course, in this case, it's just a beginning...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

tea party

Was told to expect maybe 500 for the Miami Tea Party. Supposedly police reports were closer to 3,000. Makes sense because there was a lot coming and going throughout the day. Peaceful, upbeat, some chuckle-worthy signs... TLMS's we came up with simply said "SOCIALISM SUCKS."

Going to reconvene on the 19th downtown... should be interesting....

the glasses thing

Weird story with the glasses, thought I'd share (though my most regular readers I think have already heard by now). These things seem to only happen to me, but I guess it's not actually ALL that rare.

So, about a month ago I lost my glasses. Things had been in a lot of turmoil (still settling in from the move, house is all torn up, whatever... bottom line is I looked for a while but they didn't seem to want to turn up. For all I know they could be in my car. But I could have a pregnant wombat in my car and I probably wouldn't know apart from a slight change in the smell.

Anyway, at the merry discount price of about $125 I had to finally give in and buy a new pair of glasses. Even at the super "hey let's advertise our swell discounts, bargainbargainbargain!!!" stores, they still wallet-rape me, because I have the audacity to have one eye stronger than the other.

So, anyway, I had a new pair for the course of a WEEK... and somehow lost those too. It was pretty frustrating because with the house being in the state it is (what with there being basically NOTHING on the first floor), there honestly weren't that many places they could be.

I finally figured it out... I had taken them off when checking my mom's oil. I got distracted when I was doing it because her car was apparently built as, like, a Special Olympics fundraiser or something because the dipstick goes at a complete right angle. Well anyway apparently what I did was I put the glasses under the hood along the side of the engine, didn't realize I left them there, slammed the hood and walked away.

Of course, between the time I did this and realizing where I'd likely left them, Mom had since driven the car a couple of times. I figured what would most likely happen was I'd go out and find them absolutely shattered... MAYBE I'd be able to save the frames and just get new lenses.

Popped the hood, went out... 100$ fine. not even dirty. Whew! Lucky.

And hey I can see now too, so I've got that going for me.

Monday, March 23, 2009

the MacGuffin

Sandra stepped off the plane and walked through the airport rubbing the back of her neck. Her lack of ease and discomfort was not strictly because of the cramped seat next to the impossibly fat man on the cross-country flight. She was nervous because she was to serve as the courier of the MacGuffin Diamond.

If the rumors she'd heard were true, the MacGuffin was easily worth more than her life was. The strange man chasing her in Cleveland certainly seemed to think so --- he seemed to be operating under the idea that getting her out of the way would have just made things easier. It was only because of the timely intervention of some local law enforcement that she was even afforded this opportunity to be uncomfortable. She'd be glad when she had the nine million dollars instead, then she would just be targets of your average everyday scum instead of the best of the worst.

She had grown tired from the continued effort that goes into always trying to examine every little bit of the periphery, suspecting every seemingly random movement as being the start of another attack. She instead indulged herself with a little daydreaming of how life would be different when she had the money instead of the burden. It was perhaps because of this distraction that she didn't see the round gentleman in the sheriff's uniform come up to her. She spun around so fast her shoulder-length dark hair actually trailed her twirling head when he tapped her on the wrist.

"Wha---- what?" she half-asked.

"Sorry, ma'am. You're Miss Desmond?" She quickly scanned the stocky, reasonably good-natured man in blues that were perhaps a half-sized too small. His skin was a bit paler than hers. She saw from his look that he didn't really need her confirmation to know it was indeed her, and she managed only a slight nod of affirmation.

"I'm Kirk Hamill. Oh..." he paused and flashed a badge to put her at ease. "I'm supposed to be at your disposal to ensure you don't run into any problems. I'd suggest being careful. You never know who you can trust in a situation like yours."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Preaching to the choir, Kirk. Preaching to the choir. It was only because of some of the good work of guys like you that I've made it this far. To tell you the truth I wonder if it's even worth all this... having to always keep on my guard."

"Well, you're in my town, now" he said with a toothy grin, "and we may get you to sit back and enjoy a Red Apple beer like a regular local."

She nodded, and he went on ahead to where a car was waiting to take her to the hotel. "Sheriff..." she called after him. He didn't turn around, the airport was bustling and noisy. "SHERIFF..." she repeated, then with a chuckle she shouted quite deliberately "HEY! HAMMILL!" He turned around with the same toothy grin. "As long as you're providing hospitality and protection, would you mind helping me with one of these bags?" He grabbed her dufflebag and picked it up with surprising ease as they trudged along to his unmarked police car.

As they drove in from the airport, he went into standard narration. All this here used to be nothing but fields, he reported with wide sweeping gestures. A couple of new companies had built serene offices on the outskirts, and the town just grew like Topsy. He expressed a certain disdain for people whose work was just pushing numbers and ideas around, and longed for people who did a good honest day's labor like him. Somewhere in the midst of his extolling the virtues of a man you could trust by looking in his eyes, she actually chuckled. He was pleased to see she seemed to be letting her hair down a bit.

As they pulled up to the hotel, he grabbed her dufflebag again. "That's not... ya know, 'it', is it?" he asked. "Hmm? No. That's just my clothes and a hairdryer, and something for my nephew, a Cleveland Indians jersey." She decided that was enough sharing, though she subconsciously clutched her handbag a bit tighter. He nodded and carried her dufflebag into the hotel ahead of her.

Retrieving her key from the front desk, she turned to see Kirk chatting up the presumably college-aged girl behind the concierge desk. "Red Apple beer, huh?" He nodded. "I haven't had a minute to relax or a real conversation since this mess all began. Hang on a sec and I'll be right back down. That is if you're off-duty." He smiled. She dashed up to 212, slipped into a pair of tight jeans and a low-cut top, and came back down, still clutching her purse with the MacGuffin Diamond safely wrapped inside. Kirk was waiting in the bar. He had ordered her a beer and looked to be halfway through one of his own.

Sandra laughed and rolled through a few of her favorite almost-true stories. He told her about "his first ex-wife", which meant it stood to reason there were at least two loved and lost. She chuckled thoroughly for the first time since this whole ordeal began. One beer had become 4 and was on its way to a fifth when he leaned in.

"Why don't you let me take that to the hotel safe," he pleaded with her. "I hate to see you stressing like that. The hotel clerk is my second ex-wife's brother," he said with a chuckle. "Wish I coulda married him instead!"

She handed him the handbag, surprisingly heavy given the weight of the MacGuffin. He walked off, singing aloud the song they'd both just discovered they remembered. She waited and sipped her beer.

The bar over the TV had been showing some local basketball, which ended, and was now on the local news. She glanced up only in passing, her eyes a bit out of focus, to read who was being interviewed, a middle-aged, thin, black woman in the full dress blues of a police officer. The chiron flashed up below her, 'SHERIFF LUCILLE JOHNSON'.

She paused. "Hey, uhh, bartender? Who's that up there?"

"Oh, that? Sheriff Lucille? You must be from out of town. We're the largest city in America with a black female sheriff. She does a dang good job around here too, that's why she's been re-elected five times."

"Then... who was that I was just in here with?"

"Don't follow. You're asking ME who YOU were in the bar with?" said the bartender, head tilted like a cocker spaniel.

"That wasn't the sheriff?"

"Now, I KNOW you ain't had that many. There's a bit of a difference, if you catch my meaning."

"Then who was he? Shit."

She dashed out into the lobby to see a few people milling around, the young girl at the counter... but no Kirk. He was gone, and the diamond and the big-bellied man were nowhere to be found. She walked up to the desk, and asked if anyone had left something in the hotel safe.

"The what now?"

"The hotel safe."

"We don't have a safe."

"I'm guessing you don't have a sister's ex-husband either?"

"I also don't have a Jaguar. What are you getting at?"

"Ah hell."

Thursday, March 19, 2009

do you know helen green? Because you look like helen green.

I've heard that when you're in polite company, it's not nice to bring up the subjects of sex, religion, or politics in discussion.

I heard that from this nun while she was nailing Joe Biden.

Friday, March 13, 2009

multiculturalism in the space program

So, I just heard an interesting song by the Police, apparently it's about the role Hispanics from the neighborhood will play someday in interstellar travel...

Joaquin, back from your house, Joaquin on the moon...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My impression of....

behind the scenes at the White House...

Apparently there was a camera onsite when Obama asked Biden to be his runningmate. Biden's reaction is kind of a surprise, apparently he felt he should be the head of the ticket, even though he could never quite get over that public perception problem...

Or, for those of us jonesing for the whole scene...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

even randomer thought...

So, apparently there's a movie coming out where Nicolas Cage gets a list of where all the disasters and bombs are going to go off and has to try and stop them.

To which, I have to say... if that's the case, why did he still make Bangkok Dangerous anyway?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

random thought....

someday, I'd like to have tricked somebody... to the point where once they realize my having gotten the better of them, they are compelled to drop to both knees, shake both fists in the air and just shout "GERBEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!" at the top of their lungs in an empty room.

Monday, February 16, 2009

the move thing

I was thinking of sharing some thoughts and updates on "the little move before the big move", and disproving the notion that you can't go home again. But I figure most everyone who would read this know about it.

So, if you have any interest in hearing about the move (i.e. weren't PART of it), let me know.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My impression of...

Obama apologizing to the media for having four of his top appointment nominees revealed to have serious legal issues.

Obama [with puppy eyes]: "Gee, I'm so sorry guys. This was all my bad, for real."

Media pool: "Yeah, well... OHHHH you, come here... I just stay mad at you. Who's a good boy? Yes you are!"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

snow? you bastard!

I openly admit to stealing this from a stand-up routine I heard once, but hey I thought it was funny enough to share...

When watching local news, I hate that awkward toss over to the weather guy, when the anchor always has that conceited mock-upset tone in blaming the weatherman for a bad day, as if it's his fault. "Rain again? THANKS Bob."

It's not as if the weather guy's going to throw it back and say "Three more murders? WAY TO GO, Steve."

Monday, January 19, 2009

random thoughts from the weekend of Richard and Jenny

This is the first time in a while I've put something up here without thinking it through in advance, so excuse a little stream of consciousness.

Some observations from the weekend, in no particular order and perhaps of no particular relevance to anyone who wasn't present.

* I don't care if NO ONE else thinks it's funny... I'm still going to call it "Our Lady of the Orange and Green."

* Any bar where four people can sit making balloon animals and not get a single sideways look probably has earned its nickname as "The Star Wars Bar." (or, for the good and nerdy among us, The Mos Eisley Cantina)

* Everything was very nice, and I'm very happy for them, and I look forward to hanging together... but at the same time I'll also be happy if this doesn't mean the end of the occasional cigar night.

* Was actually surprised that I enjoyed heading out for Indian. And third wheeling it at that. But hey, it got me out and with good peeps.

* If that's being "single", then I'm a vermicious knid.

* I don't pretend to know a lot about this stuff... but offhand I'd guess it's a good thing that the first question from everyone is where she is. it's a great thing that no matter where it is I wish she was there :)

* I'm drained. And I didn't even have anything official to do. THEY must be zombies by this point.

* Guess I saw both my future and my past today... in that order, and within a few hours of each other. Interesting experience.

* I'd like to thank Lisa's sister for welts, a sudden taste for veal, and an invisibility cloak.

* At least there wasn't a chicken dance. But... mariachis? That's different.

* Kinda interesting experience, and maybe a sign of the times, that I saw this one from "Jennie is going to move back to Miami and will probably start dating Richard." to this. A few years in between!

* I think it's funny that the guy who gave the worst gift ever ever in the history of ever (well, maybe second worst gift, to "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?")... I think it's funny he's still trying to justify it as NOT having been an idiotic move.

Monday, January 12, 2009

top 5 resons Dark Knight sucked.

Everyone's all giddy about Dark Knight, the most recent Batman movie. And it's only going to come up more now that it's "award season".

So, here's the 5 biggest problems I have with the movie.

5. What the hell is Scarecrow doing in this movie? He seems to be thrown in so randomly. It was a well-written and interesting character in the first one, and now he's thrown in in a way that only seems like the second scene with the first one explaining it somehow on the cutting room floor. It's basically "How do we give a wink and a nod to people who liked the first one? Well Scarecrow's still alive, let's throw him in a parking lot small-batch drug deal that Batman busts up. I'm sure no one will wonder what he's doing there, or why Batman is interested in this one small nickel-and-dime deal then goes back to fighting roving painted lunatics."

I mean, for all the sense of having him in the scene, he might as well have gotten out of the van and said "It's the Scarecrow. With my friends Huckleberry Finn, Don Quixote and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, do you want this dimebag?"

4. All that running around must make him breathless. Enough already with Bruce Wayne / Batman heavy breathing. Is he a superhero or a phone sex operator?

3. Joker's motivations (or lack thereof). I guess having a villain who isn't doing it for any REASON... someone who's just flat-out maniacal, is a little different. Though as an audience member you still feel a bit cheated by not having a rationale. But you can't really simultaneously be calculating but without a purpose, mad but organized, interested only in chaos yet trying to protect yourself... In Silence of the Lambs, you don't see Buffalo Bill being concerned with how he's going to make his house payments, it just makes for a more confusing character, not a deeper one. And hell even he had reasons, even if they were carnal. Hell, Nicholson's Joker was maniacal, but if you're gonna be insane you should be at least a little sloppy.

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal just seems bored. She acts the same around her life long love as she does Commissioner Gordon as she does the Joker. She seems disinterested and devoid of emotion. Great movie heroines, you can tell what their thoughts and hopes and emotions are even if you had the sound off. Here, you can't even tell what she wants. Ingrid Bergman could have single-handedly ruined Casablanca if she'd been this blank throughout.

1. The end of Batman Begins
Ra's al Ghul: Have you finally learned to do what is necessary?
Bruce Wayne: I won't kill you, but I don't have to save you.

How are you going to have Dark Knight be about whether Batman's willing to off a baddie if he's already made that decision in the first one?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


My impression of...

the average media member. Picture a late 30s newspaper editor in his pjs and socks on a bed with Hannah Montana posters on the wall.

"Did you see Obama on the cover of this month's Esquire OH MY GOD he is so dreamy. His eyes look really, like, thoughtful, ya know? I'm serious! I bet he likes ponies. I like ponies.

We should TOTALLY do a story on him. No, like, another one. So people can see how awesome he is."

but my couscous!!!

Here's a treat for anyone who stumbles across this and is around my age...

"The Boys / Girls of Rock n' Roll" scene from the Chipmunk Movie or whatever it was called. Not that weird-ass thing that came out a year or so ago with My Name is Earl, this is the late 80s cartoon movie where they go around the world, and there was, like, someone smuggling diamonds in toys or something. Anyway, I always thought this song and this scene were fun.

Man, that Chipette was a tease.

I'm gonna ask TLMS if, when we go around Europe, if I can dance on the side of a hot air balloon. I'm sure that's all sortsa safe.

Interesting point for comparison... God bless YouTube, I guess... someone with more spare time and the right equipment apparently posted what the "original voices" would have sounded like.

And to truly prove the utility of the Internet... someone apparently did one set to scenes of Harry Potter because... ummm okay so I don't actually know why.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Convening the court of Man Law

Two cases to be considered... one involving me and one I witnessed. Looking for Man Law rulings...

For the first one.... I don't know these people's names, I'm just gonna pick random names so I don't have to keep saying "first guy" and "second guy", etc.

[i]Good Faith Effort?[/i]

Scene is a football game... Josephus and Mortimer are squeezing by to get out past the end of the row. Pancho isn't in his seat but he left a nearly full beer there, Mortimer accidentally knocks it over. He promises Pancho's friends he'll replace it.

While J&M are gone, it turns out Pancho and his friends are "mistakenly" in the wrong seats, and the real owners come back. Josephus and Mortimer come back WITH an extra compensation beer for Pancho, who of course now is nowhere to be found. After holding it for a couple of minutes they decide to give the extra beer away to their buddy Alouicious.

Pancho comes back about 20-30 minutes later and demands his beer. They say they brought one for him but he was nowhere to be found. He wants $12 compensation, though J&M insist a beer is only $8. He eventually gets frustrated and leaves.

So.... Josephus and Mortimer did their Man Law job? When they spilled the beer they made a "good faith effort" to replace it and kept it for a reasonable time? Or when you knock over a beer are you 100% OBLIGED to replace it?

Case 2: Mitigating circumstances...

Okay so I did something I've never done before. I left a football game early. A bowl game at that! Butbutbutbutbut...

1. They were free tickets, a gift.
2. Wasn't sitting with a group, just with TLMS.
3. I didn't have any particular rooting interest for either team.
4. It was fairly cold and windy (well, cold and windy by Miami standards). And TLMS gets cold way before I do, and I thought it was cold, so that tells ya something.
5. We stayed till it was, barring some really record-breaking miracles, no longer in doubt.
6. The seats were at an odd angle. We were in the corner of one end zone and only a few rows up from the field. Which is great, unless you're trying to figure out what's going on on the far side of the field.
7. It was after midnight, and TLMS lives maybe 30-35 miles from the stadium, and then I have to come back halfway again from there to my own place. And I had to work the next day.

I want you to stop saying the filthflarn, filthflarn, filth.

If you haven't seen this... a) where have you been anyway, and b) it's pretty dang funny. It's Eddie Murphy doing a Bill Cosby impression as part of his 80s standup routine.

I especially like this because given some of the things Bill Cosby has said, politically, since then... I imagine the conversation was actually really pretty close to this.

Incidentally, this ain't even a little bit "office appropriate".

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Not till we plan our Martin Luther King Day celebrations

I think, with 30 and Chismis and New Years now all being behind us, we're officially on the clock like the Detroit Lions. Sunday, May 17. Still in shock, mostly, I think...