Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm wondering...

If 30 minutes (thanks Sarah!) on the Wii Fit (thanks Mom!) deserves a cigar (thanks Hilary!) and a glass of scotch (thanks Steve!) out by the water (ummm thanks me) with a good book (thanks Sarah's folks) :)

Sunday, December 28, 2008

random thoughts from running errands...

* I am, apparently and not much of a surprise, "the kind of guy who goes into a Whole Foods, but only to buy beer and turn around and leave."

* I was going to think about giving up on my wash and fold place, they raised their prices and it was expensive even before that. Although... I walked in and they had two laundry bags hanging on the wall for sale --- one GARNET and one GOLD. I think I'll stick with them a while :)

* Regardless of your particular politics, I think you'd have to admit... someone saying Caroline Kennedy Schlossburg, because of having no previous experience and only a famous name, faces an uphill battle for the senate seat of Senator Hillary CLINTON... ummmm...

* There's no one around but me. But regardless, I'm hoping I smell "musky". Ya know, as opposed to "like I just spilled a half a cup of coffee on my shirt".

* Vacation vault? Really?

* I went down an alley, and got stuck behind a Chinese guy loading up BUCKETS of soy sauce into the back of a pickup truck behind a restaurant. And all I could think of was... man what I wouldn't give for 200 or so steamed dumplings.

* I get the Odessa part, because we were talking about a player being from Odessa, FL when watching the game. Where I got writing a term paper on the movie Jaws I have no idea.

* I think people that make a big deal about Wal-Mart or LL Bean or whoever NOT wishing them a Merry Christmas, saying happy holidays instead, are kinda missing the point. I mean, MY definition of Christmas has nothing to do with 10% off of anything... and it certainly doesn't include elves or retail (except perhaps for a couple of guys picking up myrrh at the local myrrhateria). So if Santa becomes part of the secular HAPPY HOLIDAYS, and Christmas goes back to being the realm of Christmas celebraters... well that ain't necessarily all bad.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

How am I spending 30? The way most people would, I suspect. Drinking Jack Daniels flavored coffee out of a giant Figment cup and watching Star Wars on an old TV.

Monday, December 15, 2008

toldja there'd be some random stuff on here...

I wonder sometimes what's the strangest thing I could say in a meeting and not have people just stop and say WTF (or, at least, you gotta knock that stuff off)...

Here's a couple you can expect to hear me work into conversations soon:

"Oh sure... you work every day, you pay your bills, you pay your taxes... but you molest ONE goat and suddenly you're that crazy goat molesting guy."

"Hey, you guys remember that episode of Gilligan's Island when the huts caught on fire, but they realized the roofs were made out of marijuana leaves and everyone just sat around getting high?"

"Newspapers are having a hard time with their current economic model. I think they should switch to marketing a use nobody ever talks about... their utility as a method for catching animal poo."

I had some more, but honestly they were too random even for a thread like this.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Mogwai

It's a bit odd that whenever I hear this...

Darlene Love's version of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)...

all I can think of is the opening of Gremlins.

Probably my favorite Christmas song, or at least one I really wish I'd hear more often...

Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder.

I am NOT an old coot. I have a blog!

Is it a bad sign that the shows I watch seem to generally have ads for hearing aids and power scooters? I know Boston Legal went out talking about how they're the only show with 50+ yr. old stars, but it is (errr was) a legitimately funny show. I can watch it just find without adult diapers, thanks.

Monday, December 1, 2008

the revolution will not be televised

but it might be blogged... there seems to be the return of a generous (or ign'nt) neighbor, and as such stay tuned because I might have more postings here.

A couple of random thoughts...

Christmas movies --- the meaning of Christmas is not being with your family. It's not about friends or togetherness or any of that. It's about the Nativity. Is Charlie Brown the only one who understands this?

It's really hard to get excited about the Champs Sports Bowl.

I'm supposed to have an opinion about china patterns? Really? I thought my theory about getting an extra set so I can learn how to skeet-shoot was a damned fundamentally sound idea ;-)

I've heard the explanation a couple of times now, and I still gotta say "Eagle and Child" is a damned odd name.

I'm 2-22 in Scrabble. I'm like the Cam Cameron of Scrabbling.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

more impressionism

Hope you're ready for it, because this one's a two-fer...

My impression of television...

And in sports today, this map shows all-the-cities-where-a-team-won. Now, on to 20 minutes of weather!

[CNN] And that's why the candidate's poll numbers are going down. Of course, not as bad as the Seminoles went down. Man, did you see that? Let's go to the tape..." [Weather Channel] It's going to be cold in Wichita. Not as cold as it must seem on the plane back for the Seminoles though...[NBC] tonight's primetime lineup is being preempted so we can show highlights of the Seminoles losing...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

too much pressure!!

As a corollary to the previous post...

even when sitting out by the relaxing water with a nice cool breeze... it's pretty easy to get stressed when you've only got about 10 minutes of battery life on a fully charged laptop. Gee THANKS AnonymousCompany for giving me such stellar resources to work with.

I'm a simple man, of no eccentric demands....

all I ask for is a tall ship, a star to steer her by... and another neighbor who has wireless internet but doesn't know how to lock it.

Is that too much to ask?

Friday, November 7, 2008

kids... don't hit yourself in the knee with sledgehammers!

So, a random thought that came from an even more random conversation... from the "and knowing is half the battle" PSA things on GI Joe...


The message was, "Kids, don't hide in abandoned fridges." "Seriously, don't do it. Don't hide in a fridge you might come across."

Looking back, I realize I got this message a LOT as a kid.

"Hey! You!"
"Who me?"
"Stay the hell away from fridges!"
"What, like, don't get fat eating between meals? Got it."
"No. Random fridges you'd find playing around town. Don't crawl inside them."
"Wow, umm, wasn't tempted to do that, but... thanks. Hey, shouldn't I more, ya know, not be talking to strangers like you?"
"Oh yeah, I guess. Whatever. Just remember, go near a refrigerator and I'll come back here and beat the snot out of you."

I swear, it was just short of Sexual Harassment Panda from South Park coming to tell us in school assemblies that one of the worst things you can do is play in the fridges that apparently dot the fruited plains.

Now, admittedly, I grew up with a pretty sheltered life in Bal Harbour. But I don't recall hardly ever seeing piles of giant fridges lying around in playgrounds and open fields and such.

Maybe it's my swiss cheese Sam leaping memory, but I swear I was told to stay away from fridges way more than I ever heard anything like don't smoke.

Maybe that's where the gut comes from. Me rebelling against GI Joe.

Like I'm going to take advice from someone who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a laser-guided-laser thingy. Probably have bad eyesight from playing in fridges.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Hi from the Wheel in the Sky

Field agent Bradley reporting from the Holiday Inn Select in Downtown Tallahassee... which is known to students as "the circle one".

A day to take it easy and vacay a bit. The main purpose for coming up was the FSU - Va Tech game (we won, woohoo! Hokies suck!) Ulterior motives included seeing my amiga, and trying to desperately cling to the happy carefree days of 9 yrs ago. Tomorrow will be visiting some of the local press and even the governor's press secretary, and going to the Bowden lunch with my old boss. I'd really like to get the University to be one of our clients, provided we could do it right.

Flying out of JAX tomorrow. Of course as is my nature and I've even mentioned a couple of times here, I'm already a bit jittery over getting into the airport in time for the flight at 7 PM! Well, it's that damned variable, getting from here to JAX in time to return the rental and get on the flight.

Which leaves today... brunch at Andrew's, bumming around campus (how many times can ya take the big nostalgic walk around), and driving Josh back to the airport. Was hoping that this game would be the big reunion of my peeps, but it seems the next opportunity for everyone to get together will be the BIG DAY (eek).

Last note. Further sign of addiction (twitch)... I brought my laptop but neglected to bring my mouse attachment (crappy company won't replace my crappy broken laptop). So even though I have to TAB through to get to anything on any page, here I am still online, on vacation. Dork!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

economic policy brought to you by...

So, I've decided I know who is advising Obama's campaign on economic plans, and it's not Warren Buffett or even Jimmy Buffett. He's clearly inspired by The Underpants Gnomes.


The Underpants Gnomes from South Park. This was a really clever (and more than a little obscure) South Park reference to a couple of old Looney Tunes cartoons that taught kids about capitalism.

The underpants gnomes stole underwear, but it was part of their secret business model. They explained it:
"Phase 1: Steal underwear.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Profit!"

None of them could remember what phase 2 was.

Well, the Obama approach seems to be:
"Phase 1: Beat the rich like pinatas and collect all the tasty tasty candy that falls out.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Everyone has a swell job they'll never lose and full medical care and a house that never goes down in value even if they can't pay for it and hope and change and..."

BTW, the moral of the South Park episode, Gnomes, was that maybe big corporations aren't actually always BAD... and that they only make money by OFFERING a SERVICE or PRODUCT to potential customers that they WANT to buy. Go fig.

Friday, October 3, 2008

My thoughts on the economy, pt. 2

So, I already sent this out as an e-mail to some, but I guess it's okay that I'm re-posting my own thoughts...




It was 1994. Dial-up modems were a ticket to the world. Forrest Gump was in theaters. And in Illinois, Buycks-Roberson v. Citibank Fed. Sav. Bank Fair Housing/Lending/Insurance was being filed.

Who-and-the-what now? A class action lawsuit against Citibank for refusing to issue home loans to people who the bank deemed would never be able to pay them back. The suit claimed “redlining” these people was discriminatory, surely the people being excluded from buying a home were disproportionately minorities, and so Citibank should be made to either give these loans or be punished financially.

Who was the attorney on the class action representing those low-income appliers the bank insisted shouldn’t be given mortgages?

Barack H. Obama.

Yay community organizing!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

my thoughts on the economy


I think, instead of investing in my 401(K), I should just put all my money into a company that offers to, for a small fee, come over to your house and punch your baby in the teeth and then cut a whole in your couch.

Well, I think I'd have about the same level of success, and at least then I'd be contributing to a small business.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

the doc says I'm a sensitive guy

So, dermographism... which apparently basically means skin so sensitive you can write on it with a fingernail and it leaves a trail. Just another one of those things that sounds much cooler for a comic book then it would in real life.

In real life it means coming back from Walgreens with a giant bag full of various weird stuff in big white bottles.


when Britney got me choked up... in a comedy

So, I was flipping channels the other day (which is flipping about five of them since I still don't have cable)... I stopped on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, mostly because Britney Spears was a guest on it and when you don't have many options ya tend to at least check her out.

The thing is, it caught me off-guard.

The short version of the set-up was that Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie) was teasing one of his other friends by pretending that he was going to marry Britney's character. Only Britney wasn't in on the joke. Typical far-fetched sketch comedy misunderstanding thing... till Britney shows how into it she is by going off to call her mom on the cell phone, and says,

"Momma, it finally happened! I just wish Dad was still alive so he could walk me down the aisle."

Ummm, yeah. Cute joke and all. Hit me like a sockful of bricks. Ahh well.

Ya know, side note, I realized I've had posts on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and now Britney in the last three weeks and I don't think I've had even one filthy reference. I must be slipping.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Second Cousin of All Bombs?

I saw a news story the other day, apparently in response to the American "Mother Of All Bombs", the Russians have developed something even more powerful that they're referring to as "The Father of All Bombs".

If this keeps up, I'm wondering what comes next.

I'm thinking "The Gropey, Stale-Cheese Smelling, Half-Shaven Drunken Uncle Of All Bombs".


my impression of....

This might be a new regular feature (I know you're oh-so-excited)...

here's my impression of.... public radio.

"As a reminder, we rely on donations from listeners like you, unlike commercial radio. This reminder was brought to you by the good people at Wheatie-O's. Mmmm, mmm, Wheatie-O's, that's a tasty treat. Now back to the third hour of our look at a local artist in Minneapolis who is having trouble making ends meet in this unappreciative country, despite her fascinating albums based on the mating tones of the Bolivian Fruit Bat..."

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

An important decision, redux

In this time of political discourse, I must ponder.....

Great wicker baskets full of monkey crap, what the hell is wrong with these people?


Yahoo's sharing highlights from a blog espousing the political positions and impressions of...... Lindsay Lohan.

Snorting half of Cali up your nose does not make you an "expert on international relations".

Sunday, August 31, 2008


alright, so there's been a few thousand posts out there about McCain tapping Sarah Palin to be his veep, and a few people have already asked me what I think about it... so here's a couple of things I came up with.

First let me start off by saying maybe everyone else was surprised, but I've been saying since back in May that I hoped he picked her (but figured he probably wouldn't). It's true, it's even in the archives of the message board I hang out on.

I first found her name when I was looking at the British bookmakers site, www.ladbrokes.com, to see the odds on the presidential race and on the veep selections. When I saw her name I went to look her up, and liked her story.

All indications are she's a straight-down-the-line traditional conservative. Pro-life and in favor of hands-off management of businesses and pro-gun rights.

Actually, if you think about it, she's pretty much everything Mitt Romney WASN'T, which is a pretty ringing endorsement in the end... consider:

example... I can understand conservatives being in the NRA. I can understand them having a problem with the NRA. Just don't join the night before you announce you're going to run for prez. That's basically what Romney did. Palin's been pretty consistent with her positions, you can tell they're not just of convenience or an attempt to ingratiate herself to "the base", she is a person of her own principles and convictions and pretty much either you agree with her or you don't. I can even have a lot of respect for a lib if they're at least consistent of their positions and reached them because of core beliefs about human nature, not just parroting what your party tells you to say.

Besides... I can't think of any other pick that would have jazzed the right like this or so scared the lefties. I've seen so much ranting and wild-eyed the foaming at the mouth sect on the other side of the aisle. You can tell whether something a Republican did was a good move by how rabid the left gets in response to it.

Also got to say you just can't beat that timing of the announcement. I can't ever remember a time when a convention wrapped and something came along and just totally commandeered the news cycle like this. I went on CNBC.com at 1:00 in the afternoon on Friday... so you figure less than 18 hours after Obama's "coronation". The word Obama literally did NOT APPEAR on the entire front page of CNBC.com. The surprise of the Palin announcement had pushed the entire Dem. convention off the front page.

Will it matter in the end? We'll see... I do think that if McCain can, with this move, get say 12-15% of people who were excited about Hillary's campaign to vote for McCain-Palin, he's got a pretty good chance in November.

But then, who would have guessed I'd get excited by a beautiful, thin brunette with nice cheekbones and a solid conservative record named Sarah ;-)

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

if you're going to be sitting on your ass anyway...

here's a game after my own heart... my struggling, cheese-coated heart.


"Salad Dodger".

Pretty straightforward... you eat all the ice cream and fried chicken and cheeseburgers and stuff, and avoid pesky things like apples and broccoli at all costs :)

Just another valuable service from your friendly bloggin' correspondent.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

hell, now there are even commercials in my dreams

I just was thinking back and realized something I "saw" was a really odd (and a bit dumb) dream I had.

Or maybe it actually DID happen. Tell me if you've ever seen this...

Pillsbury wants you to try their new breakfast danishes, because they insist they're better than those new breakfast bread treats branded with the celebrity spokesperson I always associate with cooking... Ozzy Osbourne.

Yeah, I even dreamt up a name for them. They were called "Ozzy Osbuns."


Hey, it's not as bad as "the Jump to Conclusions Mat", is it?

Sunday, August 24, 2008


I think there's a fair chance I'm the only person around who has this recurring dream.

Now I just have to figure out why I keep finding myself at EPCOT in Orlando and not getting to go on "The Figment Ride".

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I wouldn't like us either.

So, I did a summer semester in London back in 1999. One of the weird things I noticed was the US shows that were picked up by the BBC. While I was there, they had: The Simpsons, Jerry Springer, Dawson's Creek, South Park, and Jerry Springer.

No wonder why they think we're all fools. Not exactly our best and brightest exports.

PS a side note. There are a few benefits to having down a summer semester in London. One was that they have an amazing theatre community and encourage students to attend. Another was being able to travel and see Europe.

But the big one is, of course, it gives you a chance to start as many sentences as possible with "I did a summer semester in London..."

Proceed with caution

Lately I've noticed I've developed a bit of what might be called a less-than-desirable habit... I downloaded Tetris on my phone, and now I've been playing while I drive in traffic.

There's only one logical and sensible way for me to address this situation.

I've started getting more red lights.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

An important decision this election year...

Thinking about the news the last couple of days...

If I had to choose whose opinion I wanted to hear on the 2008 Presidential election, and my options were to get the opinions of Paris Hilton, or of a steaming fresh pile of hot pig crap... I think I might pick Paris Hilton. Out of some naive hope that maybe at least she has some sort of opinion on inheritance taxes or income brackets.

But honestly it'd be pretty close.

Monday, August 4, 2008

to protect and serve chipotle sauce

I was wondering how'd I'd get to this legal issue, because I wanted for my 100th post to be about somehow snagging me a chickie (and a keen one at that ;-).

But I checked again and now that I've got that down, I thought I'd share the following.


Apparently a guy called 9-1-1 in Jacksonville to address what he thought was a pretty serious matter. He got a Subway sandwich and they left the sauce off his Spicy Craptastic Melto Grande or whatever. He called the cops because his sandwich was missing the sauce.

And apparently he called a SECOND time because the cops weren't answering fast enough.

Man, if you're not supposed to call 9-1-1 when you don't get your Tas-T special mystery sauce, then I don't know what it's for.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

words means things

Subtle bias is hard to pick up on. Often times the person speaking won't even realize everything his words convey.

I was listening to NPR news yesterday (yeah, I know)... they were discussing Obama's trip to the middle east and afghanistan, and said among other things "He has to battle the perception among some voters that he doesn't have the foreign policy experience John McCain has."


He has to overcome the FACT that John McCain HAS more foreign policy experience. Regardless of your political persuasion... you can argue whose positions you prefer, you can argue whose voting record you more care for... but any objective measure would say that McCain clearly has more foreign policy experience.

It would be like saying "McCain has to battle the perception among some voters that he's older then Obama." Well no that's not a perception. It's an indisputable fact.

But if you and your circle of friends all pretty universally carry a torch for a guy, you can't help but look at stories and say "Gee, what is it that some yokels have so wrong in their head that they can't clearly see how dreamy this guy is?"

BTW I can't think of anyone who's gotten more Time magazine covers and never been president. Can you?

Monday, July 14, 2008

yay! high gas prices

In all this talk about high gas prices, no one's talked about what I've found to be one of the clear benefits of higher gas prices.

At least around here, it always seemed that whenever I'd go to a gas station someone would come up looking like crap (or alternately occasionally looking better than I did) and freaking asking me for a handout. Sometimes it was mildly annoying (got any change? No, man, and the guy would stumble off... the worse was "hey, my brother's over in that hotel a block away and I'm trying to raise money to get a bus to Sarasota because I've got a job there and..." dammit dammit dammit shut up and go away.

Now I guess they all realize that everyone at the gas station now is pretty much pissed off and broke and no longer has any disposable income.

So now they all hang out by the overpass a mile from my place. Rah.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

a little color (well, red and blue anyway)

Haven't figured out yet (aka too lazy to look into) putting this as a separate section, so for now I'm putting it in as a post...

alt="Go to electionprojection.com" width="150" height="211" />

Election Projection's a very good site that incorporates the latest polls on the only thing that ultimately matters --- how the electoral college looks like it'll break. They say this map should update at least every day so keep an eye on it :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A Sprinkling For the May Queen

Kelli was nervous. More to the point, she was concerned that someone could figure out WHY she was nervous, and that made her even more nervous. Outwardly though, she was safe because almost no one knew the plot she was a part of. Only one other person in the studio audience knew her secret, and it was her partner in crime. Everyone else would have just thought she was biting her nails because the time had come for the million dollar song.

Wayne Brady had already made some lighthearted but fairly suggestive comments about the beautiful and "top-heavy" blonde. In this respect, she had to admire the plan when it was presented to her. She got their attention for the same reason she got the attention of the show's producers, the same reasons girls with her build always got attention. She'd expressed doubts early on but somehow it had worked just as they'd said and she was onto the final round.

The song she was to be tasked with was Stairway to Heaven. She knew the song but was sure she didn't know the specific words. But then she hadn't known the words of the last four songs either. She shook her head in disbelief at how things were going.

She stumbled her way through the beginning of the million dollar Zeppelin song. It came to the part she was supposed to fill in and, as per usual, she drew a complete blank. Drawing on her drama skills, she crossed her arms and slowly lowered her head, as if seeking an answer. What no one could see was this was exactly what she was doing... visible only to her eyes under her crossed arms a series of words slowly appeared on the screen of her watch, carefully keyed in by the "gentleman" in the last row of the studio. Without lifting her head, she paused and said with a tone of disbelief,

"If there's a bustle... in your headrobe... don't be alarmed now. It's just a ... sprinkling... for the the may queen." The studio fell silent for a very long beat, followed by a tone triumphantly announcing she had won and the game was over, she had conned her share of the million...or so she thought.

In the celebration that ensued and before the host could officially declare her the winner, a random guy from the front row ran on stage to be part of the hugging and the celebration. He was using the foulest language and, inconveniently, a rather loud tone to do it. "Oh shit, that was f---ing unbelievable! You're f---ing amazing!" He jumped around her in circles holding her arms. When the commotion calmed a bit, a booming, faceless voice filled the studio...

"Ummm... we're going to have to do it again."

It was the producer.

She was confused. "Wait... what? What do you mean? I did what I was supposed to... I mean... that's it, right? I won."

More from the ether:

"We can't use that. We'll have to go one more time, and we're having that man taken out of the studio. We can't broadcast that. Don't worry, though, we'll give you the same song, just act like you don't know it."

She was frustrated, but figured this to be only a temporary delay as she tried to get in the frame of mind to act blank one more time.

"Oh, and Kelli?", the voice added... "this time don't cross your arms. We need you to look into the camera, please."

Monday, June 23, 2008

"A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit."

This is a necessary evil post... so I can spy on myself...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

wonder why alternate sports history isn't a section in bookstores.

I wrote this a year or so ago... We got in the discussion of how a Tyson vs. Ali fight might go, so I took a stab at writing up the call of the fight. Was originally posted on the sports forum of the Aantares message board.

With deference to Howard Cosell.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we get ready for the third round tonight at Caesar's Palace in New Jersey we are truly witnessing history. The unstoppable force and the immovable object, in one corner a boxer and in the other corner a fighter. On your one hand you have Muhammad Ali, formerly Cassius Clay, a young man who knows his craft perhaps as well as any who ever placed a foot in the ring and with a heaping helping of the knowledge that he is a pinnacle, premiere pugilist. Standing opposite him, Kid Chaos, a mad bulldog. A freight train with gloves on, young Iron Mike Tyson.

Ali seems to have employed the strategy of largely evading early. Perhaps he is of the opinion that he can tire this young firecracker out, that this controlled explosion must subside over time if he can just last it out. But while Ali has landed the occasional well-timed blow and even rattled the young Tyson once or twice, it's clear that Kid Dynamite's raw power has slowed and staggered Ali, and going into this third round I suspect we'll see Ali perhaps a half-step slower.

There's the bell and out come the fighters. Tyson has all the look of a man on a mission, while Ali stands more a man with a plan. The fighters trade jabs, Ali working mostly to position Tyson and keep the wolf at bay, Tyson trying to work in towards Ali's midsection. Ali took a controversial blow there perhaps after the first bell rang which may have literally been bonecrushing... of course Ali being a consummate we couldn't read much from his expression at the time.

Ali's still got a lot of spring, he's practically challenging Tyson to burn his substantial energy around the ring. Ali says if Tyson's going to get to him he's going to have to earn it. Ali gets Tyson on the run, OH and Ali lands a series of successive rights to the head, Tyson getting caught overpursuing and he pays dearly.

Tyson seems to be sizing up Ali, positioning him and OH, a left right combination to the head, and I'd be surprised at this point if Ali could remember any name for himself. Ali tries to make a show of rebounding and illustrating his trademark speed, but it's clear he met a brick wall. Ali looks to be getting his footing again and OH Tyson caught him across the jaw, and Ali is up against the ropes. He's certainly dazed now. Twelve seconds left in the round, Ali may squeeze by and if he can survive this beating he might be able to last Tyson out. Ali comes off the ropes and Tyson catches him with three solid jabs to that tender midsection... as Ali starts to list, Tyson meets him on the jaw again...Ali is down in a pile...

let's see if, the ref... Mills Lane begins the count.... 5, 6... Ali is getting up to his feet, but it appears he may be back in Louisville already... Mills Lane looks the prize fighter in the eyes... and he's called for the bell, this fight is over. With two seconds left in the third round, we have a TKO here in Atlantic City, Tyson was just too much for Ali to stand. And I think in the end, the discussion on this fight won't even necessarily be the decision to mercifully end it, but that potentially late blow in the end of the first round --- from which we might now say Muhammad Ali may have never fully recovered.

You saw it here, brought to you by the good people at Aantares... Iron Mike Tyson runs over Muhammad Ali in three brutal rounds."

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'm not a scientist, I don't even play one on TV....

I'm just a regular guy trying to occasionally figure things out...

Thinking about giraffes, which have absurdly long necks and as such can reach higher leaves on trees to munch on...

One notion seems to be there was once just one single cell, then over time that single cell became what is basically a horse by many many many very slow rounds of random mutations that happened to be beneficial such as having two functioning eyes... and even though none of the other beasties had this mutation, it was a great advantage and so that freak beast was otherwise completely healthy except for that one mutation, AND it was a trait that he passed onto the next half-horse thing, which also had only this one change and nothing that would make him weaker... and it was through this slow process of mistakes and getting warped that one cell turned into thousands of identical giraffes.

The other theory is giraffes look like that because one day there weren't giraffes and the next day there were.

Dunno, but to me it's more LOGICAL to figure you started with pretty close to the finished product... and not that everything everywhere is the product of millions upon millions of rounds of good luck and fortune in freak mutated wild creatures living to pass on their problems that are secretly superpowers?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

random thought draught

It occurs to me the reason why I don't have more blog posts is that if I think of something moderately amusing, I am more likely to turn it into a facebook status update or something like that. Hey, at least there I know someone's reading it, unlike here. Hello? Anybody out there?

Bowden event went really well today. That is to say, people seemed largely very pleased and the event looked really top-shelf. Events like this are really kind of an odd experience, especially if you're doing media corralling like I do. It ends up being rush rush, wait, wait some more, wait, RUSH, RUSH stuff your face RUSH.. then try to get over the adrenaline high when it all pretty much stops around you. I do have to say I'm a bit disappointed in Coach Fisher's speaking skills. I'm hopeful that as he does more of these sorts of events he'll fine-tune his speaking ability and storytelling. Though you'd think someone who's "powerful suth'n" would know how to spin a yarn...

Lots of really nice time with TLMS these days. Haven't screwed it up yet!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

best job switch ever?

I just thought this was funny and had to share...

For work, I get e-mails with reporters and editors changing jobs, including this nugget... "May 19, 2008: Dan Smith has been named senior vice president, marketing, digital media at Playboy Enterprises. He had been senior vice president, marketing at Encyclopedia Britannica. (release)"

I'm guessing even in basically the same role, he will find the job somehow different. Just a hunch.

Monday, May 12, 2008

hey mon! It's the 90s!

In Living Color was an underappreciated show for its time... damn clever in its writing and with some really talented comedians in the troupe. Here's a typical great one from the show, "Hey Mon, with the Headleys". If you ever watched the show, you'll remember this bit because there was about a half-dozen of them --- a Caribbean family that each has a dozen jobs.

Can't really get upset with a stereotype if it's basically a positive one. I don't think there were a lot of People for the Advancement of Jamaican-Americans protesting outside the studios saying "Don't you dare call us hard-working families!"

Quite a few funny bits in this clip, but for some reason the one that gets me is referring to a pregnant woman in labor as a "lazy rabbit killer."

Sunday, May 4, 2008

What the Jackson 5 teaches us about ourselves

Was listening to the radio in the office the other day and the Jackson 5 song, "The Love You Save" came on.

Started thinking of the lyrics... it's my understanding that "stop, the love you save might be your own" is a take on the public service announcement popular from before then (and hence before me) that said something like "don't drink and drive, the life you save may be your own."

Which got me to thinking... have we really reached a point where the message has to be made SO in our self-interests that it's not enough to say "Hey you might hurt or kill SOMEBODY"? The message has to be "hey, this is important because the person you could kill might be YOURSELF, then how would you feel, huh? Not very good. It's not just that you could save someone's life but hey you yourself might get hurt in the meantime!"

Besides, in the sagelike words of Michael's buddy, Brooke Shields when discussing how smoking kills, "If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Saturday, May 3, 2008

RIP Orange Bowl, 1937-2008

Should have done it last week because more was still up, but anyway thought you might like to see these... Here are some shots I just took of what's left of the Miami Orange Bowl. Interesting that about the only thing left standing is the famous "lite brite" scoreboard that used to be the recognizable open east end zone looking out to downtown.

Super Bowls, national championships, Dolphins perfect season, some monster Canes teams... just a few leftover sections that are set to be demolished, and soon it'll be another big empty field.

And supposedly someday the future home of the Marlins. Don't hold your breath though. Not that I'd ever recommending holding your breath for 5 years or whatever it is.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Have you tried NOT screwing up your life?

Probably not the first person to say this, but...

Preston Parker, dammit, what the hell is wrong with you, kid?

A story that has become way way WAAAAAAAY too common... Seminole wide receiver with a promising future, maybe the most talented offensive player last year... was busted in Palm Beach Gardens with a .45 and a bit of the green devil-weed.

Set aside for a moment what might be the more immediate mystery --- what the hell you need a truck-stopper of a sidearm in Palm Beach freaking Gardens, an area where shooting a birdie still really is a golf term.

I had really hoped, perhaps naively, that FSU players would finally reach the point where they get the very complicated notion that if you try NOT crapping out your life for a few cheap thrills for just three or four years, you stand a good chance of getting VERY LARGE PILES OF MONEY.

Now, I've never tried weed. I've only been in the situation where it was around a few times and never really felt compelled to spark up. However, from what I've heard and seen, I have to imagine that when presented the option of some smokeysmokey NOW or a $10 million signing bonus in two years, I think that'd be one of my easier decisions to come across.

I had hoped that the addition of Terrell Buckley to the FSU staff would help get the "knock that crap off, it's for your own good" message through to some of these kids. I can understand how if you're a 19 year old black elite athlete, it might be easy to dismiss nuggets of wisdom that come in a daggum-coated candy wrapper from the 118 yr old mouth of Bobby Bowden. But I was kinda thinking Buckley could have a special closed-door session that consisted of him saying "Alright, today's lesson is: Knock that Crap Off. See this Super Bowl ring? Good. Knock that crap off! Any questions?"

a great SNL Reagan skit

NBC's gotten pretty militant about pulling down YouTube clips, but at least they post some of the cool old SNL clips on Hulu. Here's one of my faves, a classic from late in the Reagan years.

From some of the stuff I've read, the idea that the fuddy-duddy may have been all an act isn't actually all that far-fetched.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

ha ha huh?

This one's especially dedicated to the liberal teachers and admins at a certain private school I know.

So, let me get this straight...

* You think that George Bush is the reason why gas prices go up... and that's what you tell the millionaire children of Saudi princes who have bodyguards at your school, and the growing population of Venezuelan ex-pats.

* You can look at the sentence "Republicans are always making sweeping generalizations about whole groups of people" and not see this as weak logic.

* You've dedicated your professional careers to a place built on the idea that a private business can do a better job of providing an education than the federal government --- so much better that even though parents pay school taxes anyway, they will choose to spend an extra $20,000 a year for what you're selling... and yet you think the same federal government should take over the health care system to fix it.

* You've dedicated your professional careers to a place built on the idea that people who succeed in business should be able to purchase the finest educations that only they can afford, and students should have to pass tests to make sure only the acceptable are allowed at your business.

* Slips of the tongue and misstatements are clear signs of stupidity for the likes of Reagan, Quayle, Bush, etc., and you would know because when you speak several times a day to small groups every day of the week, you NEVER have slip-ups or misstatements.

* You think Bush must be a slack-jawed yokel... and if you had a student graduate from Yale (with higher grades than John Kerry's), then get his MBA from Harvard he'd be the biggest feather in your cap. (http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2005/06/07/yale_grades_portray_kerry_as_a_lackluster_student/)

* When you learn (likely here) that Al Gore said in 1992, "A zebra does not change its spots.", you understand it as being a slip in the tongue. When you hear that Dan Quayle never actually SAID "Being in Latin America makes me wish I knew Latin", you don't correct the next person who claims he did.

* A president is elected under close and possibly suspicious circumstances. He brings almost no experience into the job, got breaks in life from his dad's political connections, has an abrasive vice president, cut taxes for the rich, gets us involved in a war the administration grossly underestimates and fumbles nearly every step along the way... if this is George Bush it's a sign he's to be ridiculed, if it's JFK he was one of the greats.

* You criticize the federal government's record in disaster relief, education, crime prevention, road and bridge work, social security, and just about every other undertaking they've done... and wonder why those silly Republicans are resistant to hand over more of their lives to the federal government in the interests of "fairness".

* Week 1: Make fun of the days when the entire academic community knew the world was flat, the sun revolved around the earth, and maggots are spontaneously generated from old meat. Week 2: "Everyone knows" global warming is a new phenomenon that man's primarily responsible for and that trees and bats and snakes and deer all began as one cell and got their forms based on what was in the air around them. Anyone who ponders otherwise is to be ridiculed and shouted down.

* You think Bill Moyers can come out of the Kennedy administration, Chris Matthews from the Carter administration, and Stephanopolous from the Clinton administration... and that's not a sign of media bias... but Karl Rove being a guest to speak about campaigning on Fox News is a travesty.

* You think polls are a clear indicator of what's right... unless, of course, the polls show most Americans support the death penalty, support gun rights, or believe in God, in which case they're obviously imbeciles.

* You send children to English where they learn that 1000 years ago wine was made readily in England, yet global warming isn't cyclical.

* You send children to Social Studies where they learn that 150 years ago in England you were expected to be working in a factory by age 14 and everyone burned coal for heat, yet somehow we're polluting more now.

... and you say you're teaching kids how to think critically? Really??

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

glad we're addressing all the serious concerns here...

Okay, so I don't want this to turn into another one of those "secular world is chipping away at what it means to be (conservative protestant) America" blogs, because those are mostly boring unless you happen to be really clever and sarcastic (hah!)...

however, couldn't resist sharing this one..


Court Rules Against Football Coach In Prayer Case

A New Jersey school board was within its rights to tell a football coach he cannot kneel and bow his head as members of his team have a student-led pre-game prayer, a federal appeals court ruled Tuesday

The judges agreed that the East Brunswick Board of Education's policy barring school staff from joining in student-led prayer was constitutional.

What the crap... a high school football coach can't even silently participate in a pre-game prayer led by his teammates, and certainly can't guide the young guys in a few words in advance of the game.

People who fight these fights are concentrating their considerable efforts on the wrong freaking battles. Let a high school football coach huddle up his players and ask the Creator to please consider endowing the kids with a little clarity of mind so they don't get crippled out there. If the biggest transgression against your little snot factory is a coach bows his head when some of the players pray together, the kid's got a pretty damned good life.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Damned If You Do (pt. 3)

"Marissa, I don't want to have that fight now. I'm having THIS fight now." The frustration of trying to convince her wasn't helped by the traffic that was already accumulating around town for the big game in a few hours time.

She sounded unconvinced.

"Look, I don't know what he's up to, but somehow Bill sent me a message, dated tomorrow, telling me to bet on this long shot underdog. I think he's got some inside information or something, and rich older brother finally decided to throw me a bone here. This isn't coming from me, it's coming from the one who always said you were too good for me. Don't think of it as wiring me $1000, think of it as investing in Bill's insight."

Somehow he had achieved a rare small victory. Either from persuasion or frustration, or equal parts of both, she agreed to add to his savings, all of which was now going to be placed on the underdog CF State, and he was for the first time in a while cautiously optimistic because he thought this mysterious message from his brother might be his way out.

As game time drew near, Coach Cunningham sat in the office next to the locker room and gathered his thoughts on what he might say to rally his team. Though he'd seen quite a bit of challenge in his 19 years calling the shots, when not in front of the boys he admitted to himself that this might have been the most mismatched, most pressure-filled scenario he'd ever had to gameplan for. As he went over a few potential words to the boys in his head, he had one inescapable whim of a thought. He picked up his phone and called an old friend from childhood who had the less than reputable hobby of making sports book.

"Mark, am I still looking at taking lambs to the slaughter here?"

"Funny thing you should ask that now," said the entrepreneur, "no one believed in you until a couple of hours ago. Now we've seen a little money come in from someone out there who really thinks you've got some talent hidden there somewhere."

"Guess I have to tear up my 'It's us against the world' speech now", said Cunningham.

"What's that, #3? Just give them #4, 'people out there are counting on you.' Just promise me no one is going to give 110 percent. That's my job."

Jack settled into his seat in the stadium. Twice during the early part of the game he'd tried to phone his brother to get some explanation as to the cryptic message dated tomorrow, but he was told Bill was busy with some damned new equipment they thought might be malfunctioning.

The game looked dismal early, yet just as UCA would seem to get their feet on their rival's throats, the slightest misstep or lack of concentration proved to keep the game close and Jack's anxiety high. CF State was down by 5 but with scant time left and UCA controlling the ball, it seemed nearly done. The only complication being that UCA wasn't controlling the ball, and CF State recovered with enough time perhaps for one last push. One shot to pull off the seemingly impossible --- maybe even to buck Jack Jenkins's fate.

Dontrell sprung off the line, and within three paces had already shifted into a higher gear and left the young man tasked with covering him hopelessly lost. The end of this play would also be the end of the game, the end of the season, and if he could catch it the end of rival UCA's storied winning streak. Thoughts flashed through Dontrell's mind as he charged towards the end zone with short huffs and long strides.

He thought about his two years of running track in high school, before the coaches explained to him that his frame was filling out to a point where the 100 yards of football held more promise for college scholarship than the 100 meter dash. Still, the training of launching out of the blocks served him well here. He thought of how the play was drawn up to depend on him, and how with the final seconds ticking off the clock, the glory and the pressure that would come with this catch. Finally, his mind rested on the words of his coach.

"People out there are counting on you." Yeah, right. People were probably about to make tons of money off his talent. The college, the boosters, the coach, the networks... they were all counting on him alright, counting their dollars. The reason why football was a better career path for him than track was because they could bleed more green blood out of him as a football player. He was sticking his neck out here for some gambler to make a buck. Dontrell brushed away the negativity, he had a task at hand and had better get to concentrating.

The ball was too damned high, he thought as he saw it spin in the air. He leapt, aiming with one last chance to somehow extend his body and pull it down while still landing in bounds in the back of the end zone. With the defender far enough behind to be an afterthought, he reached out, the ball touched the tips of his fingers, and somehow rolled away as he crashed to earth in the corner of the end zone watching the winning touchdown roll off the plams of his outstretched hands. He was a quarter of a step too slow, and the replay confirmed it, CF State had lost.

Most of the entire stadium's 86,000 temporary residents fell silent, stunned and immobile. It was good camouflage for Jack Jenkins. Jack was dejected. "Just my damned luck," he said. He was out $120,000.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Damned If You Do (pt. 2)

Jack turned into the entrance to the parking garage for PERSPECTIVES, his brother Bill's corporate headquarters. The overnight security guard shuffled momentarily, more out of surprise of seeing anyone come in at this hour as opposed to any particular interest in Jack's old ride. Jack mentally scrolled through a couple of responses, finally only half-seriously intoning "BILL wants me." The guard made a quick call up to the boss's office, and then wordlessly reached over to hit a button, the effects of which included letting him in and only temporarily distorting the signal beaming Two and a Half Men to his portable rabbit-eared television.

Jack knew his way around the office building. Though he'd only been there a couple of times, it was the kind of office laid out in such a way that you knew when you were headed in the general direction of the confines of the distinguished CEO and proprietor. It was only because their relationship had continued to be reasonably civil that Jack didn't completely bristle at the glossy displays on the wall heralding the journalistic documentation of his brother's success.

"Jackie, I want to show you something... come on back here to our development area. You want a drink or something? You look like you've been run over."

"Well it is after midnight, I was getting my beauty sleep, don't you know, Mr. Chairman", Jack responded.

Bill walked along quickly, quarter-turned towards Jack, who followed a few paces behind. "So, has Marissa gotten around to dumping you yet?" There wasn't much that could cause Jack to miss a beat but that had done it. He blinked a bit and stared at his brother. "Ahhh. Oops, sorry 'bout that. Fish in the sea, so forth. Anyway this will get your mind off figuring out who to blow your dinner money on."

With that he pushed open the door to a moderate-sized work area. Pristine white computer equipment filled the back third of the room, it looked rather like a medical device hotwired into an auto garage's diagnostics display, with a few random sets of wires thrown in for good measure. One section hadn't even had its cover replaced, and various green and black circuit boards were stacked vertically inside.

"Nice equipment," said Jack, "but I bet it still can't pick the winner of the third race at Pimlico."

Bill smiled. "No, probably not. That's not exactly what we had in mind for her, though. Actually to be frank, even I don't really know all the applications for what we've managed to put together here. You see..." Bill was about ready to launch into his speech when Jack's phone chimed indicating he'd received a text message. He pulled it out and took a quick glance.

"What's it say?" his brother asked.

"It just says 'PROOF'. It's from your office. Did you send this note to me?"

Bill half-grinned. "Not yet."

"What we've... what we've stumbled across here," Bill said, as if confessing a certain degree of success through sheer chance, "is a system that can send a text message to any capable receiver, not only anywhere in the world but at any TIME... present, future, or even past."

"Here... take a look at that message on your phone. What time was it sent?"

Jack said, "Supposedly about two minutes from now. Though I can't figure that out. Must be set wrong or something."

"Nothing's wrong with your phone," said Bill with a smile as he walked over to the operator's chair in front of the system's screen. "It's working just fine. And here... is... your.... PROOF." With that he typed the word in, put in some information, and sent the note to Jack's phone in the past.

Bill went onto explain to Jack that they originally set out to design a new system by which you could write a text message and send it at a later date instead of immediately. So when someone tells you their birthday is July 18th, you can program in to send them a text message of HAPPY BDAY at any time, and set it to send on that day rather than having to remember. He acknowledged it was an admittedly small idea, but then it was a string of those small ideas that had made him a small fortune in patents and product offerings.

Earlier that day, one of his newer engineers was "re-jiggering" the system when she noticed something odd... She mis-entered the date and mistakenly instructed the computer to send a note to the day before rather than 5 minutes later on the test phone by her side. He said she was even more confused when she looked at the test phone and saw it seemed to have received the message successfully the day before.

"I don't understand it entirely myself," said Bill, "but the best as I can figure... the entire computer network, all transmission of data is binary...."

"Ones and zeroes, ones and zeroes..." Jack interrupted.

"Yeah. Well, coordinates in time in the future are all ones and zeroes too, tomorrow's just another date to a machine. Somehow, it seems... in the entire continuum of things, yesterday was too."

"You tried to build a way to save messages to send them to the future, and accidentally stumbled across a way to send them to the past too." Jack summarized. Bill nodded once and smiled.

Jack took a moment to ponder the admittedly weighty idea. He was understandably skeptical. "I have to voice the obvious questions, of course..."

"You mean why don't we send a message back and prevent 9/11, or Pearl Harbor. Yeah. Well, first you need to have the target number you're going to send it to. You don't have the President's cell number on you, do you?" Jack turned up his palms in mock apology to acknowledge the joke. "There's also the pesky little notion of what you would say. 'Hi I'm from the future and I'm contacting you to tell you what evil's about to befall you.' Hmmph. Oh, and you have to do all that, believably, in 8 letters or less. It seems that's about all we can get through. I guess after that you're technically on to the next instant."

"If you're on the precipice of... a new era of unlocking access to the fourth dimension..." Jack began, choosing his words carefully.

"...then where is all the information from the future back in our history..." finished Bill. "I don't know. But then, who would? Edison had more than a thousand patents and no formal education to speak of. Shakespeare used thousands of words no one had ever seen or heard before. They told Edwin Drake he was crazy for drilling in the ground to find oil."

Jack smiled. "You've been rehearsing that last little bit, haven't you?"

"Well," his brother smirked, "I have to have my Nobel Prize speech ready. Anyway, I know whenever I'm standing on the precipice of et cetera et cetera blah blah, I could use a good stiff slug in me. Scotch?"

"Oh hell yes. Yes, yes, yes. Capital idea old chum." Jack responded.

"I'll get some, hang tight here." Bill said, and left the room.

Jack sat by himself in the room in the quiet office, alone with the hum of the machine and the glow from its display screen. Then it occurred to him what he had to do.

He walked over to the terminal, sat down, and promptly sent a message to himself a day before. It said, simply, "BET CFST".


Saturday, April 5, 2008

Damned If You Do

Dontrell sprung off the line, and within three paces had already shifted into a higher gear and left the young man tasked with covering him hopelessly lost. The end of this play would also be the end of the game, the end of the season, and if he could catch it the end of rival UCA's storied winning streak. Thoughts flashed through Dontrell's mind as he charged towards the end zone with short huffs and long strides.

He thought about his two years of running track in high school, before the coaches explained to him that his frame was filling out to a point where the 100 yards of football held more promise for college scholarship than the 100 meter dash. Still, the training of launching out of the blocks served him well here. He thought of how the play was drawn up to depend on him, and how with the final seconds ticking off the clock, the glory and the pressure that would come with this catch. Finally, his mind rested on the words of his coach. No one believed in them. No one thought they would even make it this far, and certainly didn't think they belonged in this championship game. No one thought they were as good as UCA. No one except Dontrell and his coach. It was the extra push he needed in his step.

The ball was too damned high, he thought as he saw it spin in the air. He leapt, aiming with one last chance to somehow extend his body and pull it down while still landing in bounds in the back of the end zone. With the defender far enough behind to be an afterthought, he reached out, the ball stuck to the tips of his fingers, and he crashed to earth in the corner of the end zone cradling the winning touchdown in the palms of his outstretched hands. The replay confirmed it, CF State had won.

Most of the entire stadium's 86,000 temporary residents roared, jumped, and hugged. Among the few not particularly celebratory was Jack Jenkins. Jack was dejected. "Just my damned luck", he said, speaking only to his left palm, which was covering his face while his head shook in disbelief and disgust. One 20 year old young man's catch had just cost Jack $119,000, his home, his old car, and perhaps all of his very few remaining favors from family and friends. Perhaps as importantly, the improbable win had cost Jack the last vestige of hope to somehow dust off what had become an unmistakeably crappy life. Had Jack been honest with himself, he would have acknowledged that it was largely his own choices along the way that led to him being The Great Bill Jenkins's screw-up little brother. But admitting that would be like admitting that relying on a shady way out of a shady situation often yields only the shadiest of results. Jack had spent enough time biting the slim remains of his fingernails and employing every conceivable use of the F word, the stadium had mostly emptied. Jack slunk out and back to spend what might be the last night in what until just now had been his house.

Marissa having finally left him the week before, Jack sat in a torn folding chair with his two remaining friends on the kitchen table --- a black revolver and a bottle of Early Times whiskey. His thoughts continued to come back to an even darker way to break his seemingly unbreakable spiral. His silence was interrupted by a song.

"Happy Days are Here Again". He'd chosen it as the tone on his cellphone, not because of any optimism, more out of a sense of sarcasm and irony. It was his brother, Bill, calling.

"Jack, I want you to come by my office. I've got something to show you. It's pretty, well... I can't quite explain it but I think I've really got something here. And, well, since you're the only guy I know who's probably up at this hour... anyway just get on over here when you can."


Friday, April 4, 2008

stay tuned...

I've been rolling an idea around in my head, and as a result I've got about 2/3 of an idea for a short story "done". Hope I can get it to work...

Friday, March 21, 2008

and how bout that airline food?

I once knew a guy who was allergic to cotton.

Yeah, was sad... he had medicine for it but couldn't get it out of the bottle.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

this message brought to you by...

This message is gonna sound like a plant, but anyway it'll be easier to write than "The Shoulder Geography Theory of Relative Queeritude", which I tried to post last night... stay tuned for that one I guess...

Have you seen www.hulu.com?? It's pretty cool. Earlier today I picked from a whole bunch of episodes of Alfred Hitchcock, then I watched some SNL clips. They even have full length movies. Not public domain crap, but Usual Suspects and stuff. Right now I'm watching Firefly. Which sorta defeats the purpose of me ordering it from Netflix, but anyway they get my money at the end of the month regardless. Hulu's free though :)

Just the occasional ad while you're watching. Give it a shot. Or don't, that's fine too.

Drawing to the end-ish of a pretty nice and mostly relaxing weekend. Yesterday I got churched up some with my mom and TLMS. Today was taking it easy, and despite some very minor aggravations (couldn't seem to get an errand run right somehow), all told things are pretty good :)

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

happens to the best of us

Happy 35, seeester!

I just... I can't even...


Videogame publisher Mastiff on Friday revealed that it is developing an exclusive new WiiWare title called Major League Eating: The Game. The effort will debut with the launch of Nintendo's WiiWare service on May 12, but the company has not yet set a Wii Point value.

According to Mastiff, the project will make extensive use of the Wii remote to "simulate the fast and furious action of a professional eating contest."

A Wii game that is virtual competitive eating.

Damn. I think there was a mistranslation, and this might be one of the 7 signs.
I think back to those news stories about people throwing the Wiimote through the TV when it slips loose. How ironic would it be if someone was playing virtual Major League Eating and accientally choked on the controller?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Ask yourself... WWPD

I feel silly even broaching this subject because Presidents Day has become so pervasive in our culture, but let me be among the many today to ponder "What Would Polk Do?"

Yes, we've taken one day and used it to combine the nearly four dozen men who have served as President of the United States. Well, that and celebrate 10 percent off furniture.

How will you mark the day? We're doing the usual... a party where you come dressed as your favorite period from the early career of Chester A. Arthur! But please, when hanging decorations that commemorate the achievements of the William Henry Harrison administration. Wheee!

Of course, as you're listening to James Buchanan songs on your local radio station, try to remember some guys like Lincoln and Washington too, they used to have holidays some time around now.

PS, James Buchanan was queer. It's true, look it up.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Was the USS Danger Mouse already taken?

So, it appears the Navy announced three new submarines...


The Missouri, the California, and the Mississippi.


So it appears my petitions to name a boat the USS Bring Back Quantum Leap and Max Headroom To the NBC Evening Line-Up continue to go completely ignored.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Ramblings from the S.S. Tempurpedic

Geez, I really hope this blog isn't deteriorating into a running update on my internet status... I can't think of much more boring... I swear I'm going to get to something interesting towards the end, I just have to mentally sort of work up to it...anyway I finally had to give in today and get set up with cable internet access in my apartment. Not going to stay what company it is, because I know (onaccounta it's kinda what I do for a living) that companies sweep blogs looking for mentions of their name. Let's just say the greedy bastards rhyme with Schmomcast! ;-)

One of the things that was stopping me was the regular cost, about $60 a month. I signed a promotional rate of $26 or so that lasts for six months... so I guess this entry is also a reminder to myself to cancel 6 months from this date!

I had to go and visit the Arepa Fairy today. I went over to the South Beach Art Deco Festival... I could say it was to just generally look around and see if I wanted to pick up anything for future decorating needs, or to enjoy a nice day out in Miami, but honestly I just go for the fair food. Hey, walking 10 blocks and back burns off a fried arepa, right? Oh umm and a chocolate dipped banana on a stick. There is one exhibit I like seeing, old ads from magazines and postcards and such, old Coke ads and baseball players hawking cigarettes and whatnot. I didn't see anything worth getting there. I did buy a little elephant made from a Coke can, cute lil' fella.

Then there's the subject I've been kind of avoiding... partially because I'm still not really sure how I want to discuss this... we lost a friend this week. In a way that might be best described as being... confusing. I don't suppose someone passing is necessarily always SUPPOSED to "answer any questions", but this is different. When my dad passed a couple of years back, there was time to prepare. Of the few people who actually read these things, nearly everyone will already know what I'm talking about. Otherwise, maybe you can piece it together by my ramblings. Some of us guys got together last night to try to go through it all a bit, and also just to get out. The way guys do --- which is to say with more than a little libations.

Well then. So this blog does get into things besides where I'm connecting from, or wondering aloud where one goes to buy Franken Berry cereal these days, or why Foreigner songs sound like they were written by an 8 year old.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Please please PLEASE don't throw me in de briar patch!!!

So, seems my options are pay 60 bucks a month for Internet access, or come sit out by the water and look at downtown while I work in the nice soft breeze.

That's fine, ya know, so long as it's not, umm, raining. Then I'm stuck with just the Wii. Which, by the way, I'm now completely ignoring the little thing that tells you how long you've been playing games for. I think soon a little helpful signal is going to chime up and say "Go the F--- outside, kid. And don't take your laptop."

Some sort of record

I guess this means I've been blogging for three years. Wheee! That puts me ahead of, oh, about 10 million blogs or so, including lots of big corporations. You just know that somewhere out there, a bubble wrap manufacturer thought the world wanted to hear the musings and philosophies of the assistant VP of operations on the dinner menu at BubbCON 2007.

Was tough watching the FSU game last night... by all logical standards, Nole fans should be happy to have finished like we did... figure 30+ players didn't make the trip (mostly because of that whole pesky "not cheating" thing). The game started with an ugly flubbed punt (that actually involved all the frontline players anyway), and an opponent FSU probably wouldn't have been given a chance against even if they HAD been full strength... to take it down to the last play of the game IS respectable. And that's with being on the goal line once and coming away without any points...

Still... hard to argue with the immortal and oft-replayed words of Herm Edwards, then Jets coach when asked whether he would throw an end of the year game to get a better draft pick. "You play to WIN THE GAME!"

As such, losing does in fact still suck. And "moral victories" aren't any better English than "it is what it is."