smacking myself in the face

or "You can never go home again".

This is not, contrary to appearance, going to be about my famous lack of grace and swan-like poetry in motion --- though it would be fitting. Rather, this is the sort of introspective epiphany usually found in these sort of self-indulgent egocentric blogs...

more simply put, here's something I've learned about me...

I had an odd experience this weekend, in essence a chance to go back to who I was. Over the long weekend with The Beautiful One out of town, I was basically back to doing what I have been for the past year or so --- sitting around playing bad video games, occasionally going out late with my friends barhopping or dinner with O Mein Mama. And I realized something...

while that's fun in small doses, and it's a nice, key part of a life, it's not enough. I saw who I was, I lived who I was... and I realized that I was, at best, wasting time and probably more likely bordering on unhappy. It's probably human nature not to ever be able to get true perspective on a situation you're in as solidly as you can in hindsight. I think I knew all along I was pissing life away... but regardless this futility really kind of surprised me.

It's not just that I'm not thrilled with who I was. It's that I wasn't thrilled with it even at the time.

What does it mean when you've come across someone in two blockbuster months that's changed your paradigm so much that even a jaded, stubborn soul openly embraces a new life as being brighter? Hmmm... we'll doubtless discuss more on that in months to come.


Someone very close to me, who is going to read this eventually, is going through a similarly interesting chapter right now. This person is, in a way, going back to the first time to what life was 7 years ago before some little curveballs and one rather big curveball came along... What will make it even more odd is that this person will be back in the same place physically as before the big changes came. But just as life is like toothpaste, refusing to go back in the tube, your environment will never be the same as time marches on.

I'll be interested to walk through this with her... I think she'll learn and grow from this. It won't be easy though. It's well-known separation makes you realize how much you appreciate the one you're missing... I think I'm learning that separation makes you look at yourself too.

trying my hand at parables

I'm sure I'm not the first person to think of this, but anyway I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

A physics teacher has two particular students in his class he's keeping an eye on to see if they can pass his class.

He's interested in keeping the classroom orderly so he can impart the subject material to the kids... physics is complicated stuff, but if they'll listen he can get it through to them.

"Alright you two, you're going to listen to me because I'm in charge in this class. Everything I tell you is going to be true, because in this classroom I am it. If you act up, you're going to detention. If you realize who the big cheese in this room is, you might just pass this here class with flying colors." The teacher goes on over the next several weeks to explain torque, how to calculate for a drag coefficient, and other complex physics notions.

He tries his best to use language and terms the kids understand, but being heavy material they still pester him with questions... "but why is this? why can't it be easier? Why do I have to learn this?" Sometimes he tries to explain it, but often he resorts to "that's just how it works" and perhaps even the occasional "just trust me, I know." He occasionally reminds them that he's the one with all the answers.

It's the day before the final exam, and the teacher asks the students what sorts of questions they expect to see on the final.

One says "I figure it will be applying the various physics lessons that you tried to impart to us. I don't pretend to have gotten it all, but I have been trying all year long and I think the exam will show I'm trying to understand."

The second one says "I think the exam will be asking us who's in charge. And you're in charge! You have the information, and you're running the show!"

The question: Who do you think will pass the test?

The better question: What's on The Big Test? And with our religion class, are we to focus on the Teacher, or on the lectures?

Travelin' Uncle Bop Goes to...

Greetings from Disney World!

First time I've been here since college days, we made the stop from FSU a couple of times in easier days. Plans are to make it back here with someone special someday soon.

The "real" reason I'm here is that we're taking my 8 yr old nephew around as a belated birthday present.

Last night was the Pirates Dinner Adventure. Who would have guessed, a Pirate dinner show in Orlando would be cheeky and campy! Will wonders never cease.

Of course, it's always nice to have an excuse to get around the parks and pssst I'm gonna have a leeettle fun too.

Plus I've been having recurring dreams about being at EPCOT and not getting to go on the Figment ride for some reason... maybe destiny calleth me to him...

Imaaaaaaginaaaaation.