top 5 resons Dark Knight sucked.

Everyone's all giddy about Dark Knight, the most recent Batman movie. And it's only going to come up more now that it's "award season".

So, here's the 5 biggest problems I have with the movie.

5. What the hell is Scarecrow doing in this movie? He seems to be thrown in so randomly. It was a well-written and interesting character in the first one, and now he's thrown in in a way that only seems like the second scene with the first one explaining it somehow on the cutting room floor. It's basically "How do we give a wink and a nod to people who liked the first one? Well Scarecrow's still alive, let's throw him in a parking lot small-batch drug deal that Batman busts up. I'm sure no one will wonder what he's doing there, or why Batman is interested in this one small nickel-and-dime deal then goes back to fighting roving painted lunatics."

I mean, for all the sense of having him in the scene, he might as well have gotten out of the van and said "It's the Scarecrow. With my friends Huckleberry Finn, Don Quixote and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, do you want this dimebag?"

4. All that running around must make him breathless. Enough already with Bruce Wayne / Batman heavy breathing. Is he a superhero or a phone sex operator?

3. Joker's motivations (or lack thereof). I guess having a villain who isn't doing it for any REASON... someone who's just flat-out maniacal, is a little different. Though as an audience member you still feel a bit cheated by not having a rationale. But you can't really simultaneously be calculating but without a purpose, mad but organized, interested only in chaos yet trying to protect yourself... In Silence of the Lambs, you don't see Buffalo Bill being concerned with how he's going to make his house payments, it just makes for a more confusing character, not a deeper one. And hell even he had reasons, even if they were carnal. Hell, Nicholson's Joker was maniacal, but if you're gonna be insane you should be at least a little sloppy.

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal just seems bored. She acts the same around her life long love as she does Commissioner Gordon as she does the Joker. She seems disinterested and devoid of emotion. Great movie heroines, you can tell what their thoughts and hopes and emotions are even if you had the sound off. Here, you can't even tell what she wants. Ingrid Bergman could have single-handedly ruined Casablanca if she'd been this blank throughout.

1. The end of Batman Begins

Ra's al Ghul: Have you finally learned to do what is necessary?
Bruce Wayne: I won't kill you, but I don't have to save you.

How are you going to have Dark Knight be about whether Batman's willing to off a baddie if he's already made that decision in the first one?

polimpressionism

My impression of...

the average media member. Picture a late 30s newspaper editor in his pjs and socks on a bed with Hannah Montana posters on the wall.

"Did you see Obama on the cover of this month's Esquire OH MY GOD he is so dreamy. His eyes look really, like, thoughtful, ya know? I'm serious! I bet he likes ponies. I like ponies.

We should TOTALLY do a story on him. No, like, another one. So people can see how awesome he is."

but my couscous!!!

Here's a treat for anyone who stumbles across this and is around my age...



"The Boys / Girls of Rock n' Roll" scene from the Chipmunk Movie or whatever it was called. Not that weird-ass thing that came out a year or so ago with My Name is Earl, this is the late 80s cartoon movie where they go around the world, and there was, like, someone smuggling diamonds in toys or something. Anyway, I always thought this song and this scene were fun.

Man, that Chipette was a tease.

I'm gonna ask TLMS if, when we go around Europe, if I can dance on the side of a hot air balloon. I'm sure that's all sortsa safe.


Interesting point for comparison... God bless YouTube, I guess... someone with more spare time and the right equipment apparently posted what the "original voices" would have sounded like.




And to truly prove the utility of the Internet... someone apparently did one set to scenes of Harry Potter because... ummm okay so I don't actually know why.

Convening the court of Man Law

Two cases to be considered... one involving me and one I witnessed. Looking for Man Law rulings...

For the first one.... I don't know these people's names, I'm just gonna pick random names so I don't have to keep saying "first guy" and "second guy", etc.

[i]Good Faith Effort?[/i]

Scene is a football game... Josephus and Mortimer are squeezing by to get out past the end of the row. Pancho isn't in his seat but he left a nearly full beer there, Mortimer accidentally knocks it over. He promises Pancho's friends he'll replace it.

While J&M are gone, it turns out Pancho and his friends are "mistakenly" in the wrong seats, and the real owners come back. Josephus and Mortimer come back WITH an extra compensation beer for Pancho, who of course now is nowhere to be found. After holding it for a couple of minutes they decide to give the extra beer away to their buddy Alouicious.

Pancho comes back about 20-30 minutes later and demands his beer. They say they brought one for him but he was nowhere to be found. He wants $12 compensation, though J&M insist a beer is only $8. He eventually gets frustrated and leaves.


So.... Josephus and Mortimer did their Man Law job? When they spilled the beer they made a "good faith effort" to replace it and kept it for a reasonable time? Or when you knock over a beer are you 100% OBLIGED to replace it?



Case 2: Mitigating circumstances...

Okay so I did something I've never done before. I left a football game early. A bowl game at that! Butbutbutbutbut...

consider:
1. They were free tickets, a gift.
2. Wasn't sitting with a group, just with TLMS.
3. I didn't have any particular rooting interest for either team.
4. It was fairly cold and windy (well, cold and windy by Miami standards). And TLMS gets cold way before I do, and I thought it was cold, so that tells ya something.
5. We stayed till it was, barring some really record-breaking miracles, no longer in doubt.
6. The seats were at an odd angle. We were in the corner of one end zone and only a few rows up from the field. Which is great, unless you're trying to figure out what's going on on the far side of the field.
7. It was after midnight, and TLMS lives maybe 30-35 miles from the stadium, and then I have to come back halfway again from there to my own place. And I had to work the next day.

I want you to stop saying the filthflarn, filthflarn, filth.

If you haven't seen this... a) where have you been anyway, and b) it's pretty dang funny. It's Eddie Murphy doing a Bill Cosby impression as part of his 80s standup routine.

I especially like this because given some of the things Bill Cosby has said, politically, since then... I imagine the conversation was actually really pretty close to this.


Incidentally, this ain't even a little bit "office appropriate".

Not till we plan our Martin Luther King Day celebrations

I think, with 30 and Chismis and New Years now all being behind us, we're officially on the clock like the Detroit Lions. Sunday, May 17. Still in shock, mostly, I think...

I'm wondering...

If 30 minutes (thanks Sarah!) on the Wii Fit (thanks Mom!) deserves a cigar (thanks Hilary!) and a glass of scotch (thanks Steve!) out by the water (ummm thanks me) with a good book (thanks Sarah's folks) :)

random thoughts from running errands...

* I am, apparently and not much of a surprise, "the kind of guy who goes into a Whole Foods, but only to buy beer and turn around and leave."

* I was going to think about giving up on my wash and fold place, they raised their prices and it was expensive even before that. Although... I walked in and they had two laundry bags hanging on the wall for sale --- one GARNET and one GOLD. I think I'll stick with them a while :)

* Regardless of your particular politics, I think you'd have to admit... someone saying Caroline Kennedy Schlossburg, because of having no previous experience and only a famous name, faces an uphill battle for the senate seat of Senator Hillary CLINTON... ummmm...

* There's no one around but me. But regardless, I'm hoping I smell "musky". Ya know, as opposed to "like I just spilled a half a cup of coffee on my shirt".

* Vacation vault? Really?

* I went down an alley, and got stuck behind a Chinese guy loading up BUCKETS of soy sauce into the back of a pickup truck behind a restaurant. And all I could think of was... man what I wouldn't give for 200 or so steamed dumplings.

* I get the Odessa part, because we were talking about a player being from Odessa, FL when watching the game. Where I got writing a term paper on the movie Jaws I have no idea.

* I think people that make a big deal about Wal-Mart or LL Bean or whoever NOT wishing them a Merry Christmas, saying happy holidays instead, are kinda missing the point. I mean, MY definition of Christmas has nothing to do with 10% off of anything... and it certainly doesn't include elves or retail (except perhaps for a couple of guys picking up myrrh at the local myrrhateria). So if Santa becomes part of the secular HAPPY HOLIDAYS, and Christmas goes back to being the realm of Christmas celebraters... well that ain't necessarily all bad.

30.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

How am I spending 30? The way most people would, I suspect. Drinking Jack Daniels flavored coffee out of a giant Figment cup and watching Star Wars on an old TV.

toldja there'd be some random stuff on here...

I wonder sometimes what's the strangest thing I could say in a meeting and not have people just stop and say WTF (or, at least, you gotta knock that stuff off)...

Here's a couple you can expect to hear me work into conversations soon:


"Oh sure... you work every day, you pay your bills, you pay your taxes... but you molest ONE goat and suddenly you're that crazy goat molesting guy."

"Hey, you guys remember that episode of Gilligan's Island when the huts caught on fire, but they realized the roofs were made out of marijuana leaves and everyone just sat around getting high?"

"Newspapers are having a hard time with their current economic model. I think they should switch to marketing a use nobody ever talks about... their utility as a method for catching animal poo."

I had some more, but honestly they were too random even for a thread like this.

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Mogwai

It's a bit odd that whenever I hear this...



Darlene Love's version of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)...

all I can think of is the opening of Gremlins.


Probably my favorite Christmas song, or at least one I really wish I'd hear more often...



Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder.

I am NOT an old coot. I have a blog!

Is it a bad sign that the shows I watch seem to generally have ads for hearing aids and power scooters? I know Boston Legal went out talking about how they're the only show with 50+ yr. old stars, but it is (errr was) a legitimately funny show. I can watch it just find without adult diapers, thanks.

the revolution will not be televised

but it might be blogged... there seems to be the return of a generous (or ign'nt) neighbor, and as such stay tuned because I might have more postings here.

A couple of random thoughts...

Christmas movies --- the meaning of Christmas is not being with your family. It's not about friends or togetherness or any of that. It's about the Nativity. Is Charlie Brown the only one who understands this?

It's really hard to get excited about the Champs Sports Bowl.

I'm supposed to have an opinion about china patterns? Really? I thought my theory about getting an extra set so I can learn how to skeet-shoot was a damned fundamentally sound idea ;-)

I've heard the explanation a couple of times now, and I still gotta say "Eagle and Child" is a damned odd name.

I'm 2-22 in Scrabble. I'm like the Cam Cameron of Scrabbling.

more impressionism

Hope you're ready for it, because this one's a two-fer...

My impression of television...

WHEN THE SEMINOLES WIN:
And in sports today, this map shows all-the-cities-where-a-team-won. Now, on to 20 minutes of weather!

WHEN THE SEMINOLES LOSE:
[CNN] And that's why the candidate's poll numbers are going down. Of course, not as bad as the Seminoles went down. Man, did you see that? Let's go to the tape..." [Weather Channel] It's going to be cold in Wichita. Not as cold as it must seem on the plane back for the Seminoles though...[NBC] tonight's primetime lineup is being preempted so we can show highlights of the Seminoles losing...

too much pressure!!

As a corollary to the previous post...

even when sitting out by the relaxing water with a nice cool breeze... it's pretty easy to get stressed when you've only got about 10 minutes of battery life on a fully charged laptop. Gee THANKS AnonymousCompany for giving me such stellar resources to work with.

I'm a simple man, of no eccentric demands....

all I ask for is a tall ship, a star to steer her by... and another neighbor who has wireless internet but doesn't know how to lock it.

Is that too much to ask?

kids... don't hit yourself in the knee with sledgehammers!

So, a random thought that came from an even more random conversation... from the "and knowing is half the battle" PSA things on GI Joe...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KXCD5BQiM4

The message was, "Kids, don't hide in abandoned fridges." "Seriously, don't do it. Don't hide in a fridge you might come across."

Looking back, I realize I got this message a LOT as a kid.

"Hey! You!"
"Who me?"
"Stay the hell away from fridges!"
"What, like, don't get fat eating between meals? Got it."
"No. Random fridges you'd find playing around town. Don't crawl inside them."
"Wow, umm, wasn't tempted to do that, but... thanks. Hey, shouldn't I more, ya know, not be talking to strangers like you?"
"Oh yeah, I guess. Whatever. Just remember, go near a refrigerator and I'll come back here and beat the snot out of you."

I swear, it was just short of Sexual Harassment Panda from South Park coming to tell us in school assemblies that one of the worst things you can do is play in the fridges that apparently dot the fruited plains.

Now, admittedly, I grew up with a pretty sheltered life in Bal Harbour. But I don't recall hardly ever seeing piles of giant fridges lying around in playgrounds and open fields and such.

Maybe it's my swiss cheese Sam leaping memory, but I swear I was told to stay away from fridges way more than I ever heard anything like don't smoke.

Maybe that's where the gut comes from. Me rebelling against GI Joe.

Like I'm going to take advice from someone who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a laser-guided-laser thingy. Probably have bad eyesight from playing in fridges.

Hi from the Wheel in the Sky

Field agent Bradley reporting from the Holiday Inn Select in Downtown Tallahassee... which is known to students as "the circle one".

A day to take it easy and vacay a bit. The main purpose for coming up was the FSU - Va Tech game (we won, woohoo! Hokies suck!) Ulterior motives included seeing my amiga, and trying to desperately cling to the happy carefree days of 9 yrs ago. Tomorrow will be visiting some of the local press and even the governor's press secretary, and going to the Bowden lunch with my old boss. I'd really like to get the University to be one of our clients, provided we could do it right.

Flying out of JAX tomorrow. Of course as is my nature and I've even mentioned a couple of times here, I'm already a bit jittery over getting into the airport in time for the flight at 7 PM! Well, it's that damned variable, getting from here to JAX in time to return the rental and get on the flight.

Which leaves today... brunch at Andrew's, bumming around campus (how many times can ya take the big nostalgic walk around), and driving Josh back to the airport. Was hoping that this game would be the big reunion of my peeps, but it seems the next opportunity for everyone to get together will be the BIG DAY (eek).

Last note. Further sign of addiction (twitch)... I brought my laptop but neglected to bring my mouse attachment (crappy company won't replace my crappy broken laptop). So even though I have to TAB through to get to anything on any page, here I am still online, on vacation. Dork!

economic policy brought to you by...

So, I've decided I know who is advising Obama's campaign on economic plans, and it's not Warren Buffett or even Jimmy Buffett. He's clearly inspired by The Underpants Gnomes.

Who?

The Underpants Gnomes from South Park. This was a really clever (and more than a little obscure) South Park reference to a couple of old Looney Tunes cartoons that taught kids about capitalism.

The underpants gnomes stole underwear, but it was part of their secret business model. They explained it:
"Phase 1: Steal underwear.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Profit!"

None of them could remember what phase 2 was.

Well, the Obama approach seems to be:
"Phase 1: Beat the rich like pinatas and collect all the tasty tasty candy that falls out.
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Everyone has a swell job they'll never lose and full medical care and a house that never goes down in value even if they can't pay for it and hope and change and..."

BTW, the moral of the South Park episode, Gnomes, was that maybe big corporations aren't actually always BAD... and that they only make money by OFFERING a SERVICE or PRODUCT to potential customers that they WANT to buy. Go fig.

My thoughts on the economy, pt. 2

So, I already sent this out as an e-mail to some, but I guess it's okay that I'm re-posting my own thoughts...



http://www.plnewsforum.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/40756/

http://iusbvision.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/obama-sued-citibank-under-cra-to-force-it-to-make-bad-loans/

Man.

It was 1994. Dial-up modems were a ticket to the world. Forrest Gump was in theaters. And in Illinois, Buycks-Roberson v. Citibank Fed. Sav. Bank Fair Housing/Lending/Insurance was being filed.

Who-and-the-what now? A class action lawsuit against Citibank for refusing to issue home loans to people who the bank deemed would never be able to pay them back. The suit claimed “redlining” these people was discriminatory, surely the people being excluded from buying a home were disproportionately minorities, and so Citibank should be made to either give these loans or be punished financially.

Who was the attorney on the class action representing those low-income appliers the bank insisted shouldn’t be given mortgages?

Barack H. Obama.

Yay community organizing!

my thoughts on the economy

Ready?


I think, instead of investing in my 401(K), I should just put all my money into a company that offers to, for a small fee, come over to your house and punch your baby in the teeth and then cut a whole in your couch.

Well, I think I'd have about the same level of success, and at least then I'd be contributing to a small business.

the doc says I'm a sensitive guy

So, dermographism... which apparently basically means skin so sensitive you can write on it with a fingernail and it leaves a trail. Just another one of those things that sounds much cooler for a comic book then it would in real life.

In real life it means coming back from Walgreens with a giant bag full of various weird stuff in big white bottles.

Rah.

when Britney got me choked up... in a comedy

So, I was flipping channels the other day (which is flipping about five of them since I still don't have cable)... I stopped on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, mostly because Britney Spears was a guest on it and when you don't have many options ya tend to at least check her out.

The thing is, it caught me off-guard.

The short version of the set-up was that Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie) was teasing one of his other friends by pretending that he was going to marry Britney's character. Only Britney wasn't in on the joke. Typical far-fetched sketch comedy misunderstanding thing... till Britney shows how into it she is by going off to call her mom on the cell phone, and says,

"Momma, it finally happened! I just wish Dad was still alive so he could walk me down the aisle."

Ummm, yeah. Cute joke and all. Hit me like a sockful of bricks. Ahh well.

Ya know, side note, I realized I've had posts on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and now Britney in the last three weeks and I don't think I've had even one filthy reference. I must be slipping.

The Second Cousin of All Bombs?

I saw a news story the other day, apparently in response to the American "Mother Of All Bombs", the Russians have developed something even more powerful that they're referring to as "The Father of All Bombs".

If this keeps up, I'm wondering what comes next.

I'm thinking "The Gropey, Stale-Cheese Smelling, Half-Shaven Drunken Uncle Of All Bombs".

Eeeek!

my impression of....

This might be a new regular feature (I know you're oh-so-excited)...


here's my impression of.... public radio.

"As a reminder, we rely on donations from listeners like you, unlike commercial radio. This reminder was brought to you by the good people at Wheatie-O's. Mmmm, mmm, Wheatie-O's, that's a tasty treat. Now back to the third hour of our look at a local artist in Minneapolis who is having trouble making ends meet in this unappreciative country, despite her fascinating albums based on the mating tones of the Bolivian Fruit Bat..."

An important decision, redux

In this time of political discourse, I must ponder.....



Great wicker baskets full of monkey crap, what the hell is wrong with these people?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080902/ap_en_tv/people_lindsay_lohan

Yahoo's sharing highlights from a blog espousing the political positions and impressions of...... Lindsay Lohan.

Snorting half of Cali up your nose does not make you an "expert on international relations".

VPILF

alright, so there's been a few thousand posts out there about McCain tapping Sarah Palin to be his veep, and a few people have already asked me what I think about it... so here's a couple of things I came up with.

First let me start off by saying maybe everyone else was surprised, but I've been saying since back in May that I hoped he picked her (but figured he probably wouldn't). It's true, it's even in the archives of the message board I hang out on.

I first found her name when I was looking at the British bookmakers site, www.ladbrokes.com, to see the odds on the presidential race and on the veep selections. When I saw her name I went to look her up, and liked her story.

All indications are she's a straight-down-the-line traditional conservative. Pro-life and in favor of hands-off management of businesses and pro-gun rights.

Actually, if you think about it, she's pretty much everything Mitt Romney WASN'T, which is a pretty ringing endorsement in the end... consider:

example... I can understand conservatives being in the NRA. I can understand them having a problem with the NRA. Just don't join the night before you announce you're going to run for prez. That's basically what Romney did. Palin's been pretty consistent with her positions, you can tell they're not just of convenience or an attempt to ingratiate herself to "the base", she is a person of her own principles and convictions and pretty much either you agree with her or you don't. I can even have a lot of respect for a lib if they're at least consistent of their positions and reached them because of core beliefs about human nature, not just parroting what your party tells you to say.


Besides... I can't think of any other pick that would have jazzed the right like this or so scared the lefties. I've seen so much ranting and wild-eyed the foaming at the mouth sect on the other side of the aisle. You can tell whether something a Republican did was a good move by how rabid the left gets in response to it.

Also got to say you just can't beat that timing of the announcement. I can't ever remember a time when a convention wrapped and something came along and just totally commandeered the news cycle like this. I went on CNBC.com at 1:00 in the afternoon on Friday... so you figure less than 18 hours after Obama's "coronation". The word Obama literally did NOT APPEAR on the entire front page of CNBC.com. The surprise of the Palin announcement had pushed the entire Dem. convention off the front page.

Will it matter in the end? We'll see... I do think that if McCain can, with this move, get say 12-15% of people who were excited about Hillary's campaign to vote for McCain-Palin, he's got a pretty good chance in November.

But then, who would have guessed I'd get excited by a beautiful, thin brunette with nice cheekbones and a solid conservative record named Sarah ;-)

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

if you're going to be sitting on your ass anyway...

here's a game after my own heart... my struggling, cheese-coated heart.

http://www.fizzy.com/games/salad_dodger

"Salad Dodger".

Pretty straightforward... you eat all the ice cream and fried chicken and cheeseburgers and stuff, and avoid pesky things like apples and broccoli at all costs :)

Just another valuable service from your friendly bloggin' correspondent.

hell, now there are even commercials in my dreams

I just was thinking back and realized something I "saw" was a really odd (and a bit dumb) dream I had.

Or maybe it actually DID happen. Tell me if you've ever seen this...

Pillsbury wants you to try their new breakfast danishes, because they insist they're better than those new breakfast bread treats branded with the celebrity spokesperson I always associate with cooking... Ozzy Osbourne.

Yeah, I even dreamt up a name for them. They were called "Ozzy Osbuns."


Riiiiight.

Hey, it's not as bad as "the Jump to Conclusions Mat", is it?

haunted

I think there's a fair chance I'm the only person around who has this recurring dream.

Now I just have to figure out why I keep finding myself at EPCOT in Orlando and not getting to go on "The Figment Ride".